Home bowl syndrome

Rundown convienence stores/bingo halls in Texarkana are the worst. Especially the ones that are house the only bathroom within 20 miles and where you have to walk through 9 different hallways to find the bathroom, which is sans stall doors. Just a horrifying experience, but like someone said earlier...sometimes when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

 

You mean this isn't about UCLA in the Rose or Miami in the Orange?

 

I've never had a problem dropping a deuce in most locations - home, school, in the middle of a forest, at work, etc. - but I will never take one in the bathroom of a bar.

 

Outing alert: HH is

 

This is GOLD.

 

I have IBS - not bad, but it's always there to give me a pat on the back, so to speak - so I long ago shed whatever phobias I may have about pooping in random places. I have at Fenway Park, a McDonalds in Rome that had no toilet paper, the woods, outhouses.

What is it about being in a public place that you fear? Is the sound? Smell? The look on someone's face when you walk out the stall? This is a serious question. At work, I just find the bathroom that I know no one will be around and do my business there. If I'm at a bar, I either try to find one that's not in the main firing line or see if there's a Dunkin' Donuts nearby. If not, it's time to load up on the ginger ale early.

The worst was some public place in a town in Italy that only had two porcelain blocks to put your feet and a hole in the ground. No door, no walls, nothing. You're pooping right next to some guy who's taking a leak into another hole in the ground. Talk about mortifying. I just bit my lip, turned around and ran into an alley that was secluded.

 

My only real problem (And this is definitely TMI by the way) is that, when I'm dumping, I like to have room for my legs to spread out and I need to relax.

I don't mind going in public places but, obviously, home field advantage is preferred. When I'm at home, I can take off all my clothes (that's the TMI part), sit on the bowl with my laptop and go as long as I want.

My wife thinks it's insane to do anything but sit, shit and split but I love being in there for 15-20 minutes just having some 'me' time.

 

Hilarious. When I was in college (at a place you may or may not be familiar with ) I LOVED the shitter on the first floor. It was tucked out of sight, behind the soda machines and parallel with the pay phones (those 25 or younger: "Pay phones?"). The only person who knew about it was the guy or gal in the booth buzzing people in and out. I don't even know how I found it, it might have been an emergency thing, but it was like finding a sweet parallel universe in which I didn't have to worry about someone taking a shit in the stall next to me or strolling in and singing at the urinal or singing in the shower.

Anyway, every Monday night I'd order a pizza and wolf it down with a couple beers while watching Monday Night Football and planning my next couple days (our newspaper printed on Wednesday and I basically didn't sleep from the time I got up Tuesday morning until the time I crashed Thursday morning). And once the game was over, I'd walk, very carefully, down to the first floor (I lived on the second floor most of my time there) and unload the full fury of my bowels upon that poor unsuspecting tucked away bathroom. And then I'd strut out of there and nod at the poor bastard in the booth and hope he didn't have to use it in the next eight hours. I was now ready to begin my 48 Hours of Hell.

Oh man. I loved that place. I may go to a nearby bar for a MNF game and then stroll over to campus and take a shit there this year, just for old time's sake.

 

Post of the month, at least.

 

That's it, the internet is officially canceled. Everyone turn off your computers and go back to your lives. We're done here.

 

Went on a backpacking trip -- "Leave No Trace" -- with my son and some other Boy Scouts earlier this month. Great experience, except for one aspect ...

Once you've had to use a shovel in the woods, ANY bowl looks, sounds and feels good!

 

Also hilarious. My sister goes camping with her husband and son for the Boy Scouts, and as long as it's within a 20-minute ride of home (which it has been every time except one), she goes home to use the bathroom when that particular need arises. I ask her why she just doesn't stay home and let hubby and son have male bonding, but my nephew is still pretty young and has separation issues.