For current or fallen Catholics

This clip of Stephen Colbert and Jack White of the White Stripes trying to outdo each other on obscure Catholic knowledge is pretty damn funny.

http://www.rollingstone.com/videos/new-and-hot/jack-white-and-stephen-colbert-compete-in-a-catholic-throwdown-20110624

 

I'd click on it, but then I'd have to say 10 Hail Mary's

 

Near the end of his 20-minute weekly sermon, our longwinded priest started saying "I'm not scolding anyone" then scolded people who left after communion.
Stared back as I walked out after communion thinking if he didn't talk to hear himself speak, I'd stay.

 

Our homily this week was contradictory. The church I go to prides itself on being open, etc., but then he goes into how getting the body and blood of Christ was akin to being in a country club (he didn't literally say that, but it was the tone I picked up). We don't just let anyone get Communion!

He also critiqued the way some people actually receive it.

Hey padre, I do communion how I want. Every church does it different.

I get my host, face the altar, do my sign of the cross and amscre.

And while I'm bitching, stop dicking around with a bunch of songs for the first five minutes and make with the readings. I'm there to worship, not do Up With People. Its bad enough I have to hold hands during the Our Father.

 

I'm glad I don't go anymore. I'm not holding hands during prayers. No way.
When I go to a wedding anymore, I barely recognize the Mass. I'm always thinking 'If you want Assembly of God, go join Assembly of God.'

 

I hold hands with Ms. Slappy and if her 5-year-old niece is on the other side, then her. No one else. I hate that shit too. Always have.

 

Somewhere along the way in the last 30 years, the Catholic Church has gone from Mr. Rodgers to Neidermeyer.


"You're all worthless and weak!"

Do they really think people need another hour of their week being reminded how they don't measure up?

 

Nope, that was something else this week. Who said church has to be an hour long... In our case, it's like 1:20, courtesy of Father Hearmyselftalk....

 

LOL. This drives my father insane.

They don't do it at his home Church, but if he's on vacation or something, he'll be the one guy in the Church not holding hands.

 

For the most part, Mass bores the hell out of me.

As a kid, my Dad took us to 6:45 Mass every morning during Lent. I can still say the entire Mass along with the Priest. (Accept when I say it, I still mumble, "Paul our Pope, and John our Bishop.")

It's like watching a repeat of A MASH or Seinfeld episode for the 100 time.

I've seen every episode of Mass.

And, lousy Priests don't make it any better.

As for the long Masses, if they want to do a long one loaded up with music, make that one of the Masses you offer on Sunday. Make sure everyone knows the 10:30 is the long one.

The folks that don't want to spend 1:20 in Church can bang out the 0:45 version at 9:00 or noon, or on Saturday night.