Jones gives good blog?

Shit just got seriously observed. That might be the most fucking observational thing I've ever read in the history of observation.

"I'll just say I whiffed, which no doubt you're observing."—John Cook

 

Obviously, it was the greatest thing I've ever written. In the history of Esquire, there's "Frank Sinatra Has a Cold," and then there's "Ladies, You're Not As Good As You Think."

 

I had never read Gawker until today. What is wrong with you people?

 

DMYGBFKMRGA

 

It was way better than "I cheat because my parents died in a car wreck" piece. So you got that going for you.

Which is nice.

 

Jones might be bigger in the real world, but I think even he knows not to fuck with DD in this realm.

 

Post would have been better with a picture of Fozzie Bear.

 

That's reserved for The Big Lead

 

How about Statler and Waldorf then?

 

Maybe Jonsey's beard caused an auto-reflex type response from the ladies.

 

That would have worked.

 

I didn't like it. Maybe because I read it in the actual mag Tuesday, which carries more weight than a simple blog post. I thought Esquire's treatment of sex this month, overall in addition to the Jones item, was a waste of my hour. Hey, Esquire! News flash! Reading your mag isn't "like pizza," either! This was the Pizza Hut of Esquire cover pieces! It was a handjob from Betty White wearing wool snow mittens! It was Details magazine! (Also, while I don't expect their sex section will make hair grow on my palms, it could indeed make me go blind. I would have to eat a carrot, rather than simply wax one, to read all that tiny type.)

I've been off the market for 18 years and no doubt there are more than a few people here who got around more than I did, but it was my experience that the Coming Attractions offered an accurate prediction of The Movie. Even the one time I suspected an oversell, it wasn't. If she can really, really kiss, she can really, really ... At least in my experience, if it was bad, you had fair warning long before the clothes came off.