Dear dimwit on the phone

We have one softball team that sends us an iScore spreadsheet for every game. Coach's mom, who must be in her 70s, fills it out and sends it in. Full box, a scoresheet if you need to see what happened in an inning, and even some roto/fantasy stats.

 

Guy calls on Thanksgiving week completely outraged that every Thanksgiving NFL game is going to be NFC and that in his 30 years of watching football there's always been an AFC game on. But when I asked him what he wanted me to do about it, he didn't have an answer and hung up on me.

 

Couple of emails from a regional college last night. Names changed to protect the innocent:

Followed an hour or so later by:

 

Perfection!

 

Always interesting to get stats and nominations from coaches for all-area teams. Never know what to expect.

 

After being contacted by a paper to do the all state team here, I'm amazed at how other places get it done.
We only have 44 teams in our state, our divisions are based on talent rather than school size, so my all-state selections go something like this - Step 1: find out who's playing D-I, I-AA or II. Put them on the team. Step 2: Ask reporters who actually pay attention who's good. Step 3: Get all-division team selections from coaches. Step 4: If someone from Step 2 is on the lists from Step 3, they go on a team. Step 5: Ask the four coaches I know who won't lie about the remaining two spots, fill team.
Some of you guys/gals with 40 schools in your area picking teams? God bless you.

 

I used to get those, and more often than not I would get the "You should write a column/story on it," and it was usually something only he or she would even care about.

 

One of our teams had a leading rusher with about 300 yards this season. I asked the coach if he had any offensive linemen he wanted to nominate since we had a spot or two open there, and he got points for honesty by saying, "No. We couldn't run the ball."
Another coach whose team went 2-9 also earned a bit of respect from me by only nominating two or three players. I've had some coaches in that spot who try to get their whole damn team on there.

 

Our all-stars just came out. Got an irate email from a very angry father who boasted of the multiple college coaches who were in to visit in one paragraph and then shamed us for negatively impacting the future of the children in the next with our selections.

So let me get this straight: All these colleges were supposedly lining up for your little All-American prior to our teams being published, and now they will all disappear because we didn't make Johnny first team? Go screw.

 

To be honest, our nominations weren't that outlandish. I just wish that when we ask coaches to send their stats that they would send ALL their stats. Most of the missing stats come on defense, but one team sent everything on offense except for touchdowns (yes, really).

 

Fourth girls basketball game I've covered all season and the first with only first names on one side of the scorebook. Way to show you care, coach.

 

Dear Dimwit Adult Stat Keeper,

You can't tell me to leave the scoring table. This isn't your school. You're the visiting team. Unless you have some major, major pull with the AD who showed me to my spot amd offered me a water, piss off.