Dear dimwit on the phone

We also need to save time to beat down the parent who yells "Shoot it" whenever his kid touches the ball, even when the kid is double teamed 30 feet from the basket and hasn't scored on anything but wide open layups all season.

 

I think a lot of the idiocy of these parents is not knowing the rule. They probably don't realize that both feet need to be in the key for the full three seconds, and start complaining when only one foot (or even less) is in the key. Parents can be so clueless sometimes.

 

My personal favorite is when parents latch on to the most obscure rule in the league, section or state bylaws and harp on that for a season. They can't bother to learn fundamental rules of the game, but by gum they sure as hell know how many warm up shots players are allowed to take.

 

Paired in the wagering with the following tale at the juco state softball tourney: Fan yelling because opposing team's third-base coach is setting up just outside the box, yet is silent when Homtown College's third-base coach sets up in the same spot in the bottom of the inning.

 

My favorite parent-screaming-a-rule (which I did not know to be real at the time) moment came in high school softball. One father kept screaming about the opposing pitcher that "SHE'S CROW-HOPPIN'!" Well, dag-gum, Joe Bob, what the hell does that even mean? Turns out, it was a real thing, says the umpire, but the pitcher wasn't doing it. Of course, didn't stop Joe Bob from continuing to scream for the next hour.

Damn, why did I get back into this? Oh, yeah, I was going broke.

 

Wait. You were going broke so you got back in? That sounds bass-ackwards.

 

Actually, having one foot in the key and one out still qualifies for the player to be called for three seconds. Both feet don't need to be in the key. At least, that's the high school rule. But parents/coaches also don't know that EVERY time a shot goes up the count starts over. I love it when they yell for three seconds because a team takes 8-10 seconds to fire up a series of putbacks.

In addition to "three seconds" guy and "call it both ways" guy I also enjoy "over the back" guy and "that's a reach" guy. When I am officiating, I feel like turning to these people and telling them I will give them $5 if they can find either of those phrases in the rule book.

 

Shit money is better than no money. I was out of work for nearly three years.

 

Dear Ms. Quilt Club, calling everybody in the newsroom will not get your event covered.
You were already told no by the editor, columnist and freelancer, whining to everyone else will not change our mind.

 

I've always wondered why there was never a 3-second violation called during the scrum for a rebound and subsequent put back. Good to know.

I still remember when I learned there was no 10-second back court rule for girls basketball. One team didn't cross the half court line for a good 12 to 15 seconds (long enough that even with a little grace the refs may give the boys to have gone too far) and the parents were screaming for a back court violation. Coach had to explain the difference in the rules between boys and girls. Still don't know why there is a difference (or why the boys have an extra five seconds to shoot as a result), but at least I can talk someone off the ledge if it ever happens again.

 

This reminds me of my personal favorite, when a person would call and say, "I talked to your managing editor, John Smith, earlier today about covering our quilt meeting, and he wanted me to call you with the details."

So I'd ask if she was sure she talked to John Smith, our managing editor, and she would say "Definitely, I've known John a long time and he said he would make sure there's a story in about this meeting, since there's so much interest in it."

That's where I got to break the news that John Smith hadn't been our managing editor for about 5 years, and he actually died about 2 years ago. That awkward pause on the other end of the line was sweet nectar.

 

New clubhouse leader on this thread ... but I've always liked the ones who are pitching me a story and will say something like, "I talked to someone there about this last week, I think it was HanSen ..."

"I'm HanSen, and I've never talked to you before ..."