First-world problems

In a related gripe, there was no good porn on PornHub the other night. It was all granny gangbangs, fat women with too many tattoos, and surveillance video-quality amateur bullshit.

 

Sure it's thin and scratchy, but I buy Scott's because it's cheaper, lasts longer and the kids don't clog the toilet with it like they do with that fancy two-ply.

You should have good health insurance, though. Doctors like to order colonoscopies to doublecheck the reason for the anal bleeding.

 

And Scotts is less likely to leave dingleberries.

 

Yeah, but how well does Scott's clean up after a marathon porn session?

 

Went to Walmart today (I know, third world), and a woman in front on me wrote a check. Slide the debit card and move on grandma.

 

Truly a first-world problem.

Shaming the elderly, I mean.

 

I wish my robot vacuum cleaner wasn't so loud.

 

God bless you.

 

I had an amazing burrito for lunch with even more amazing hot sauce from local taqueria. Just had it pass through me--hot sauce included. My asshole is now on fire.

 

I can't find a Coke bottle with my name on it.

 

My Firefox session crashed, and all 18 tabs I had disappeared, and because of a misfire on my part, I missed the one opportunity to Restore Previous Session. Now I have to try to remember what I had open, or dig through my history for each site.

Goddamnit, I like tab clutter!!! Now they are gone. I am going nuts. Time for my OCD pills.

 

Got off work at lunch and headed to the golf course. Played three shitty holes and the bottom fell out. I was walking and on the back side of the course with nothing but trees for shelter. I only played nine.