Dear dimwit on the phone

You pick all-star coaches? Or just a coach of the year?

 

Our angry black guy racist is back. This time if you don't agree with him by writing an article about what he's complaining about, then you just don't care and are racist too.

 

Got to work early, a caddie in front of me wanted to take a cut so I was immediately sent up to take the next group on the tee.
Introducing myself to my players, found out one guy was a newspaper executive for a small chain.
His tip confirmed as much.

 

I'm the dimwit on the phone. I sent a text message to the Podunk police chief with a question for an article then thought I was sending another text to a buddy in my fantasy baseball league.

Instead, the chief got "Looking for saves for a bat."

He hasn't offered me a deal yet

 

I once accidentally sent a play on the song East Bound and Down in a text meant for my future wife to a source. It was sent after 11 p.m. (we lived 2 hours apart at the time and I was just getting off work) and I'm pretty sure she thought I was drunk. Thankfully, the source never said anything about it.

 

I was going to "like" this, but that police chief sounds like a dick. He could at least tell you he's not interested.

 

If you call me to ask for a phone number, be ready to write it down.

I looked it up online, like you could have done, and when I start reciting you saw "hang on, let me get a pen." Dope.

 

Community editor: Why do all the community sports announcements come to my email?

Me: You don't get them all. Just the ones from the people who don't read this paper but want a free ad. The sports email address is listed all over the section, every day.

 

Guy writes a "letter to the editor," doesn't get published, proceeds to complain for several days that he didn't get published by pointing out all the great things his letter had to say while ripping everyone else who got in the paper. Sounds like this may not have been the first time his letter went unpublished.

 

Tell him his letter wasn't good enough. You'll drive him nuts.

 

Had a team parent complain about lack of coverage for her area 12U softball team...I pointed out that the team in question was in fact our lead story with multiple photos in that week's edition. Not good enough. She was expecting (it seems) action photos of each member of the team, oh, and I was supposed to use the wonderful photos she provided that appear to have come off a cell phone.
Ah, yes.

 

Dear morons on Facebook,
I know we don't get thunder storms too often in Northern California, but we get them enough for you not to be as baffled as cavemen that there are lights and sounds coming from the sky. The lights are called lightning. Lightning often comes with thunder, which makes noise. Lightning is not fireworks. Thunder is not gunshots. And while I'm at it, fireworks exploding are not gunshots. I know the difference is harder to explain than lightning and thunder, but there is a difference. Also, when someone points out that we had a thunder storm and that's why you saw the flashes of light, don't argue with them. You just come off sounding even more dumb.

Thanks,
The guy holding his face and shaking his head