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I understand what you are saying, but not all women feel like they are defined by it. Some women and men just want to have a family.

 

Nobody said all women feel they are defined by it, least of all me. Too many women do, however, and we need to keep changing that perception.

 

I won't argue with that. But I would think your earlier post wouldn't sit well with those who desperaetey want children but can't have them.

 

I don't care. Infertility, while certainly disappointing for some, has nothing to do with choosing not to have kids and having a vasectomy. Nothing.

Can we get back to making vasectomy jokes at Reacher's expense now?

 

True. But I think Lugnuts made a valid point. Reacher doesn't seem to think he will change his mind, and I have no idea how hold he is, but things can change with circumstances. Carry on.

 

Funny, but it wasn't butts that I expected to see hurt on this thread.

But I should have known better; the amount of butthurt everywhere on SJ these days is off-the-charts.

 

Motherhood does define me in many ways, and thank God ! I'm so happy about that.

The drive to procreate is biological and nothing to be ashamed of.

If my daughter chooses not to have children, I support and encourage her decision.

But one thing I would never want for her, or anyone, is the pain of falling in love, wanting more than anything to become pregnant and start a family-- but not being able to because of a decision her partner made years before knowing her.

Very painful.

 

Isn't one of the major, if not THE major, factor in choosing a partner whether he/she wants children?

I don't think most people who want kids that badly would even enter into a marriage with someone they knew up front was unable and unwilling to do so.

 

Minds change.

That's all I'm saying.

Men change their minds, women change their minds.

Circumstances change.

I've known many women (and couples) who swore up and down they wanted no children. Dedicated themselves to other pursuits. Happy, happy, happy.

Then she turns 40 and suddenly realizes she wants a child. More than anything.

Suddenly they face: "Well it might be too late."

Regrets, in some cases. Really painful regrets.

Others have gotten really lucky !

What's the harm in keeping your options open by holding off on the vasectomy or freezing ?

Again-- the pain I have seen-- I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

It's really really really bad when it seems like the world is getting pregnant and having babies... and that's what you want... and you can't.

It's horrible.

 

You don't understand. In this scenario the guy who never wanted children miraculously changes his mind because he's finally met his one true love and he would do anything, including taking responsibility for kids he doesn't really want, just to make her happy and fulfilled. It's the exact same storyline as Cinderella III.

 

I understand what you're saying, but honestly, I don't think minds change very much at all, at least when it comes to having kids. It's such a huge undertaking that opinions on it tend to be very black and white. There might often be midlife-crisis-like pangs of regret, but that's different.

My first ex said repeatedly that she never wanted kids, but in my infinite stubbornness and youthful dumbassery, I was convinced she really DID want them and needed me to "convince" her of it. She often "entertained" the idea when we'd talk about it, saying things like, "if we did have kids, I'm sure they'd be amazing." I wasted five years of my life as a result.

It's more than a decade later now, and last I heard, she was remarried and living the barren, sterile existence she always wanted. And my wife and I are raising our kids and living in the chaos we always wanted.

 

Appreciate all the insight. Lugnuts, God bless you. I know where you're coming from, but we're 100000% set on the idea of never having kids. It would have been a deal-breaker for my wife and I a long time ago if not. We're completely on the same page with this. We've been together 16 years, married for 8+. We're sure about this.

Believe me. I would never agree to let a man put a needle in my sack if I was unsure. Boy, am I not looking forward to that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy some tighty whiteys and frozen peas.