Fantasy football 2016

Those seasons are the worst. Had one once where I lost four games on meaningless plays in the last two minutes of the Monday night game — like Mike Vick scrambling 14 yards for a first down with 30 seconds left when the Eagles were behind by 17 points, thus giving him 72 rushing yards, two extra points, and a one-point win for my opponent. I think it was four losses by a total of six points. I was ready to punch a kitten in the face by Week 8.

 

It has not been a good year in fantasy.

My primary team, named the Ed Hochuli Gun Show, was eliminated from playoff contention this week despite scrapping our way to a 5-7 mark. Our league (in which, oddly, the league lead is currently a 4-way tie at 7-5) created a devious new feature in which the lowest-scoring man each week must hold a press conference in which the other teams can ask often-demeaning questions, record it on video and post it to a Facebook group. I have had to do this press conference four times, with the most recent one including a brief rendition of "Shape of My Heart" by the Backstreet Boys. Also, in response to a press conference answer from Week 1, I have had to temporarily rename my team (Philip) Rivers' PurityBallers.

However, I had a moment last night that kind of underlined the sick enjoyment that can be derived from this. Playing against the best friend in our work league, I was nursing a 2-point lead as the Packers (both of our favorite teams) slowly matriculated the ball down the field in the fourth quarter, bogging down around the 20. He had Mason Crosby and, with the utterly meaningless field goal, took a 96-95 lead. I had Darren Sproles and appeared to be out of luck until a totally meaningless checkdown on 4th-and-29 to Sproles netted 14 yards and the one point I needed to tie it. In fact, I came two yards from winning outright. All on a bunch of garbage plays at the end of the game.

 

In my decade-plus of playing, I have won on:

1. A meaningless Hail Mary touchdown pass when the losing team is down by two scores

2. The opposing team's QB taking two extra steps on a kneel down (losing four yards instead of two), giving me a 0.1 point win instead of a 0.1 loss.

3. The opposing team's RB, the only guy playing on Monday night, getting hurt on the third play of the game and putting up a goose egg, preserving a one-point win for me.

I have lost on:

1. The aforementioned meaningless flip to the running back on fourth and forever with the team down by 20 points.

2. My opponent's defense putting up 40-something points on MNF because they played a team with a third-string rookie QB.

3. Made 50-yard last-second kicks by the opposing team's kicker, when a 49 yard FG would have preserved a tie.

4. My kicker missing a 30-something yarder, costing me two points, plus another extra point, and I lose by two instead of winning by four.


I have tied on:

1. Needing a half point to tie, and one point to win, my tight end gets shut out for an entire MNF game, except for a meaningless catch on the second to last play of the game, when he gets the half-point for the catch, and nine yards, two feet and 10 inches on the reception. Yes, the refs measured it, and he was two inches short. The full yard would have given me the point, and the win.

 

My worst single-game beat came years ago when I had a four-point lead going into the MNF game ... my opponent was done, and I had Drew Brees. I didn't even think of sitting him. Then he throws for 225 yards (50 yards per point scoring), zero TDs and four INTs and a lost fumble. He ended up with -6 points and I lost. It was brutal.

It was this game.

 

I lost a game on a play like that. Forget the particulars, but I had a half-point lead, and the QB backed up about 7 yards before the final kneel down. Absolutely awful.

If I'm ahead going into Monday night and the opponent doesn't have anybody playing, I usually take out any players I have in the game for just that reason. Just make sure any stat corrections from Sunday have already been applied. We had a guy lose in our league because he sat his defense for MNF to protect a half-point lead, then Tuesday rolled around and one of his players had a stat correction that cost him a point.

 

IIRC, I was down a little in the standings and needed every point I could get for tiebreaker purposes. But I certainly understand your point. I didn't think Brees playing at home would be a risk. Ha.

 

That's what's left of his career going up in flames.

 

This is the last week for the regular season in my two leagues. Two weeks ago I hated my WRs after Green went down. But Crowder has been steady while Tyreek Hill has been great. I also kept Sammy and he'll hopefully be good for 10-15 (ppr) if Tyrod throws him the ball. I also grabbed Enunwa who I had for a long time off of waivers. Feeling okay with Carr and Tyrod, TE is decent with Eifert or Rudolph. RBs could be better, but oh well - Freeman, West, or Martin.

Other league I grabbed Inman to with Sanders, Evans, or Sharpe. Have Dak, Bortles Graham, Gronk, Ware, Smallwood (probably dropping), and Gurley.

 

I had one game where I was down, IIRC, 19 points and had my kicker left on MNF (Nick Novak of the Chargers). Our league gave five points for FGs of 40+ and 10 for FGs of 50+, so it wasn't an insurmountable deficit but my opponent started trash talking on Monday anyway. Posted a fake press release on the league message board, the whole bit.
I gently reminded him that Novak had a good leg and the Chargers were usually good for one or two FGs a game, but he dismissed it.
Then Novak hit a 50-yarder early. And another FG in the third quarter. End of the game comes and the Chargers are down 10 in the last minute with the ball around the 35. Lo and behold, they do the smart thing and line up for the field goal on second down to leave themselves time to get an onside kick.
It was right at 50 yards and would have completed a ridiculous comeback for me ... and he shanked it wide left.

 

I was trailing in a championship game and we were down to the final minutes of the Monday night game. I had the 49ers defense and by brother in law had Tony Gonzalez. I'm down something like five or six and need a miracle. That's when the 49ers' defense scored on a Pick-6. That I believe sealed the win for the Niners in that game which got them in the playoffs, so I had two reasons to be insanely excited. I remember I'm driving through Bakersfield and my wife is asleep in the seat next to me and they scored that TD and I went nuts screaming. Wife jolts awake wondering what is going on and then becomes pissed I just woke her up.

On the ensuing drive, Atlanta throws two passes to Gonzalez for 20 yards to retake the lead. Niners then get an interception so we end the game with a tie, but BIL had the tie breaker over me in the game.

 

Pondering if the Gronk news is enough to switch from Brady to Dak at QB