What if you had to cover "Die Hard" on a deadline...

This has to be the lede art:

 

Love it and await the writethru with quotes from the kids.

Two quibbles with your partial quotes.
- The dead guy was a *self-described* "white knight"?
- "Fly in the ointment" according to whom? Without that, you're editorializing a bit.

Also, it would be likely that Holly would have been identified as Holly Gennero, since that's how she was known in LA.

 

Minor quibble I've always had ... did the first Die Hard actually take place on Christmas Eve?
They were having the Christmas party, but I always assumed it was just somewhere around Christmas. I can't imagine that many employees would show up for the office Christmas party on Christmas Eve.
And, given that, wouldn't it have been a lot easier for Gruber's crew to roll in the next night when the building was completely empty? Then they wouldn't have even had to worry about hostages or the police and FBI, which is where the plan all went south. Seems like he would have preferred to avoid that whole mess if he could have, and he easily could have.

 

"All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation."

 

If you were on local TV, though, it would be:

"We're out here live in front of L.A. police headquarters this morning where we are awaiting details of an alleged shootout and explosions at Nakatomi Plaza last night.

 

I would make fun of you for doing this but I've been writing up playoff recaps and previews for my fantasy football league.
Well done Daytona.

 

Does Argyle deserve a sympathetic A1 profile in the L.A. Times?

 

Oh, the hell with it. This is how Basketball SIDS kill time at gameday shootaround ... but someone else HAS to take over and do either an optional or add to my Die Hard lede ...

Michael Jordan scored 44 points, including the game-winning dunk at the buzzer to lead the Tune Squad to a 78-77 victory over the Monstars this evening.

In his first full basketball game since his 1993 NBA retirement, Jordan made all 22 of his field goal attempts. After discovering he could use cartoon physics
on the Tune Squad's home court, Jordan hit the game winner on half-court arm-stretching dunk as time expired as his team rallied from a 48-point halftime deficit.

Buggs Bunny scored 10 points and Lola Bunny eight for the Tune Squad, which trailed 66-18 at halftime but used a 46-2 second half run to close to 77-76 on a basket by Stan Podolak -- Jordan's personal assistant with the Birmingham Barons minor league baseball team -- with 10 seconds to play.

Podolak was injured on the play, leaving the Tune Squad with just four players. The referee, who did not call any fouls during the game, said the Tune Squad would have to forfeit if they did not have five players. Actor Bill Murray appeared courtside and was allowed to join the team for the completion of the game.

Pound, using the basketball talents of Phoenix Suns forward Charles Barkley, led the Monstars with 37 points while Bupkus, infused by the abilities of New York Knicks center Patrick Ewing, added 34.

 

I demand one for Happy Gilmore

 

Obvious headline for the follow up two years later:

Same Shit Happens to the Same Guy Twice

 

That could've been Theo just being clever, though. Was it ever explicitly stated by one of the characters that they were attending the party on Christmas Eve, or was there a clock or calendar or something that said it?

 

I could swear the principal from The Breakfast Club says something about it being Christmas Eve when they were talking about why they couldn't cut off power to the entire city.

Also, Holly says something in the sequel about, "How come this shit always happens on Christmas Eve?"