How much time to you get to yourself?

And, by "to yourself," I mean completely alone to do whatever you want. No wife to talk to or kids to nag you, no work or chores to do, or any other assorted people to deal with.

I feel like I don't get enough. I basically have my car ride to and from work sometimes, and a shower. And, every few months, I try to sneak off to a weekday matinee by myself. That's about it.

 

It's called being a dad. Don't worry, though, gradually your time is restored and eventually your wife and kids won't want to hang around with you that much, either. My daughter is living at home but I don't believe she'll be sticking around very long, so I'm trying to cherish the little time I have left with her being around most of the time. Commuting together to Manhattan a couple days a week has been great. At least for me.

 

Oh, I get that. And I love spending time with my wife and kids. I don't want to come off like I'm complaining.

My situation does, however, have the additional complication of a live-in relative, with whom I have a bit of tension. That's an added air of uncomfortability that's basically every second of every day when I should be relaxing.

 

My gf gave me some time to myself on Sunday - with her vacuum cleaner. FML.

 

Potential solution:

 

Dude, spoilers.

I actually came pretty close to that during a divorce, when thanks to a confluence of unfortunate events, my ex and I occupied the same apartment for almost two months afterward.

 

I had plenty until I started my new job. I now have next to none. Maybe late Friday and Saturday nights, if I choose to stay up for awhile.

 

About 3 hours a week when I go play rec league hockey.

 

I have my daughter three days a week, and those days I set my alarm every weekday morning for 5 a.m. and usually roll out of bed by 5:20. Have a coffee and write fiction for an hour till 630, when I go wake up my daughter and begin the routine of getting her ready for school and me for work. It took me a while to get it down, but as long as I'm asleep by 11 am and haven't had any drinks (which is never a given), I can wake up at 5 or so and get that hour or so in to myself. Sometimes I spend it reading, but definitely no internet. A habit I adopted years ago when I was married and my ex used to resent the time I tried to carve out to write fiction. She'd be like, it doesn't even pay and it takes away from our time together. So I carved out time when she was still asleep. So have her to thank for that.

 

Keep in mind that I am NOT suggesting you actually do that.

It's just a nice mental image to have in your toolbox of coping mechanisms as a possibility. When I think like that, I usually get a devious smile and a sense of relief and relaxation.

 

I'm not sure how people stay in long term relationships without making time for themselves.