You get to hire one columnist from the ranks of SJ.com

Who do you hire?

I have some thoughts, but will wait until we get a couple of responses.

 

Jim Kenyon of the Valley News.

 

Who? Does he post here?

You are limited to SJ.com members.

 

@Alma brings the most nuance. If he can tell a story while doing it, I'll hire him.

 

He's on my list of potential hires.

 

He was confused by your use of "for," when it should have been "from."

 

Not sure if he does but qwerty highlighted your grammatical fail.

Submitting a new answer ... later now that I know the candidate must be in-house.

 

Oops. Have corrected my mistake.

We are hiring one columnist -- doesn't have to be for sports -- who do you hire?

 

Columnist for what?
If it's teacher on student sex, I'm going Poin.
If it's just weird sex antics, Its vombatus.
If it's intelligent football analysis, it's 3 octave fart
If it's intelligent sub middle school girls athletics, it's star man
If it's really weird sex antics involving trump, it's star man (odd based on the previous gig at this newspaper)
If it's on the baseball hall, it's Della
If it's on breaking down random steelers drives, it's Zag. Kidding, we all know it's oop.
If it's on Jeter, its manky.
If it's on Lena Dunham, it's dick Whitman
If it's coffee, anyone but yankee fan. kidding, we all know it's oop.
If it's cars, it's small potatoes.
If it's Canada, it's huggy.
If it's shit that I'm glad I don't deal with it, but proud that someone does, it's
Three bags full
If it's on I can never tell if he is a dorky white guy or a militant black man, it's just the facts and gator co-authoring.
If it's on the joys of smoking weed, it's yankee fan only because I would have been a cruel and sadistic publisher having learned so much at Gannett

 

I'd read these people:

@Dick Whitman for the well-reasoned Devils advocate takes and perceived objectivity. We need an ombudsman!

@Alma for social, literary or film criticism.

@LongTimeListener for satire and a sarcastic voice.

@dixiehack for authenticity and fish-out-of-water regionalism, sprinkled with humor and self-deprecation.

@Smash Williams as she brings it every time she posts, always from a place of knowledge, research or experience.

@Michael_ Gee ... obvi

EDIT: Can't leave off @MisterCreosote

 

This is fake news. Nobody has the budget to hire a columnist.

 

BTExpress on Russia, McClatchy and Tribune/tronc.

Chris Long on most anything Southern California-related.

DeskMonkey1 on making the transition from newspapers to teaching.

Fredrick on newspaper management (although I'm not sure a columnist role is sufficient; he'd have to be more like Peter Finch/Howard Beale in "Network").