Things that make you feel old

I remember when Elvis died. Not long after, one of my friends uttered those immortal words I'll never forget: "Thank God he died before he went disco!"

 

I remember exactly where I was, how I was standing, and the way the TV looked as word came through of the dethroning of the King.

 

I was 18, on a long family vacation (pretty much my last) when Elvis died.

We didn't get home for 5 more days. When we got home my dad and I went over to pick up our family dog, who we'd had for 13 years, and was probably about 16-18 years old, at the kennel, only to find he had died on the same day as Elvis.

Freddy hadn't been doing well for a few months; it probably saved my parents a tough decision.

The kennel had a vet report and everything; he had developed an intestinal obstruction and couldn't stand up. The vet gave the order and there wasn't much else to do.

They had tried to contact my dad, but this was in the days before cell phones. I think my dad had probably given them a "do not resuscitate/ no extreme measures" order. We knew it was only a matter of time.

One of my parents' best neighborhood friends was one of the top docs in the local university vet clinic. He looked over the vet report and said everything was kosher. "A dog that age, already in poor health, if he develops a major obstruction, there's not much you can do; about your only option is major surgery, and at that age surviving the surgery itself would be a miracle."

It was midsummer and the kennel didn't have any "morgue" facilities. Freddy had been cremated; all we got back was his collar.

He wasn't nothin' but a hound dog.

 

Booooooo.

That's so bad, I should have said it.

 

Ahhh, I couldn't resist. But every time i think of Elvis, I think of Freddy.

And although Freddy was indeed a hound dog:

• He didn't cry all the time.
• He used to catch rabbits quite frequently, a habit my mom didn't appreciate, and
• He was a friend of mine.
• I said he was high class, and it was not a lie.

 

The Mindset List: The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2021 | Beloit College

 

None of them really got to me until this ...

 

When your 15-year-old son asks you, "How many genders are there?" He thinks two. Oh do we have work to do before college.

 

Last night I played basketball with 20-year-olds. Right now I'm listening to Lithium's countdown of Top 100 alternative songs from Labor Day 1997.

The combination of my aching body and the knowledge these songs are older than some of the kids I was playing ball against has me feeling like my next stop might be the rest home.

 

When you get knocked to the floor and someone asks, "Are you OK, sir?" ... it's time to take up pickleball ...

 

When it dawns on you that it's roughly your 20th "things that make you feel old" thread or discussion.

 

That Benoit list was kind of lame. I would have added these.

Eddie Murphy has never been funny.
Robert DeNiro has ALWAYS been funny.
They don't know what shredding on a guitar means.
They don't know who Johnny Carson was.
They've never licked a stamp. Hell, probably never sent a letter.
Always viewed Ice Cube as a "cool dad" and LL Cool J as a cop.