In the past hour, I ...

... tried unsuccessfully to find and retrieve a train from under the shed, talked my son into taking a bath (rare!), stepped in dog shit on our way in from the back yard, found that he had put a train in the toilet (which he had used this morning but not flushed), fished out said train, got his bath ready, played defense to prevent my daughter from jumping in with her pajamas on, changed her while son soaked and guzzled bath water, talked her out of wearing her Wonder Woman pajamas to the family cookout and ultimately convinced her to wear a red dress (which her mother will almost certainly not like), got my son out of the bath and got him dressed, stuck my head under the shower for a few seconds and quickly brushed my teeth so as to appear vaguely like a functioning member of society, put on a sleeveless shirt, put the kid's shoes on, piled them in the car and began my holiday "day off" in earnest.

What about you? Thought this might be a fun little thread to pass on our random slices of life.

 

Ate lunch that filled me up but was unfulfilling, humored customers who tried to be humorous but I didn't want any part of it, Twittered, drank 3 cups of coffee (Wicked Joe, Maine State Parks Blend), Twittered some more, checked my #bloodsugar (very good 120), talked to one of the local investors of a 50 million dollar project that fewer and fewer people think is going to see itself to full potential, Twittered even more, watched customers smirk and scratch their heads after seeing some of the selections in our banned books exhibit, stared out the windows and sighed over the lack of people walking in the downtown, and took 2 pisses because I'm halfway through the 12-cup pot, refreshed the Twitter feed.

 

Left a Labor Day sandlot baseball tournament, got home, bounced a 4-month-old on my knee for 20 minutes, started the grill, reassured my wife that she wouldn't have to cook anything and researched the pitcher I had watched this morning. (Turns out he threw 101 once.)

My, but I multitask.

 

Oh, and set my lineup for today as the final week of the regular season begins ...

 

Arguably my greatest feat in fantasy baseball given I missed the draft.

 

Went to Publix to buy a few things. Water is sold out in advance of Hurricane Irma, which is expected to be in our vicinity Sunday and Monday.

When I got home, I checked the noon run of the tropical weather model I consider one of the most reliable. Shows Irma as a Category 5 making landfall near Key Largo and heading due north just onshore of the southeast Florida, with the eye passing right over Miami, Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach next Monday morning and maintaining Category 4 or 5 strength up to Fort Pierce. No carefree Labor Day in these parts. Fortunately, there is time to prepare for the worst.

 

Pulled a streamer of toilet paper out of my dog's ass — she chewed up half a roll two days ago. PULLED IT OUT OF HER ASS LIKE MULTICOLORED STREAMER OUT OF A MAGICIAN'S SLEEVE. Spent the rest of the hour washing my hands and rewashing, rewashing, rewashing...

 

Slept late, then sat at the counter and watched my 12-year-old daughter make muffins. Now getting started on a story that's due in 11 days. I never work ahead. Editor is going to be shocked when I turn it in tomorrow or the next day.

 

Took the kids out shopping for back-to-school stuff, and had to visit three different stores because everyone was sold out of glue sticks.

Now the kids are going crazy in the back yard with the kiddie pool and sprinkler while I get ready to grill some sausages and corn cobs.

 

Couldn't find a box of crayons to save my life the other day.

 

Unfulfilling also means low post-meal #bloodsugar. This is the tradeoff I'm supposed to feel good about.

 

Ate breakfast and read the paper.