Random admissions

I would meet up with an old college friend about once a month at the BWWs in town. One day, while chewing into a flat that was the way I'd rather have my steak (medium rare), I remarked that as much as I love wings, I'm not a fan of BDubs. He said he was thinking the same, and the next time we went to a local joint. Been going there ever since.

 

Since you didn't ask ... I have attempted to quantify the "good shit," over the last few years, and someday my scale will catch on with the rest of the world.

In a nutshell:

Every good shit has four major pillars:
1. The correct amount of effort - you don't want to have to push too much, and you don't want it falling out of your butt. Just a little push to get things moving.
2. Consistency - Everyone should want to see a rope-like coil when they're finished.
3. Completeness - No one wants that, "OK - but there's more to come in an hour." You want to feel like you got it all.
4. A good clean wipe - with some minimum amount of toilet paper, you want to easily achieve that clean feeling.

So the perfect shit? Four pillars. The worst diarrhea you've ever had? Zero pillars. Everything else lies somewhere in between.


And yes - there are also Zoning Requirements, which can mitigate a low pillar score. A two pillar while playing a home game is probably net effective just as good as a three pillar at Starman's gas station.

 

Nicely done.

I saw a comedian recently who talked about an epic shit he took -- "the kind where you want to weigh yourself before and after."

 

You can take your belt to the next notch or 2

 

You are forgetting the follow-through. Agree on the four pillars, but nobody likes to take a satisfying dump than have to clean the bowl afterward because it looks like a crime scene.

 

WTF? Beer AND Diet Coke?

I guess you are with someone, but only five wings apiece?

 

Taking a date to BWs? Weak.

 

Well, are you chasing a beer with a Diet Coke?

(I could actually see doing that with some very high alcohol beers, but I doubt they are served at BWW.)

 

They actually have a decent beer selection and make sure to serve whatever is the local/regional fave.

 

Why would you ever chase beer with Diet Coke?

 

Was it tapered on the end like a fine cigar so your asshole doesn't slam shut?

 

drink the beer, have the DC when the food arrives.