Christmas 2017

It was Messiah but they were playing the Pifa when I tuned in.

 

I just caught the very end. At first, I thought I was hearing Santa Claus is coming to town. Then I realized it was "to us a child is born" or something like that. Neat!

 

Appreciate you guys checking it out!

 

A DECEMBER NIGHT AT TARGET

The world-weary grandfather trudged up Aisle A-8, down Aisle A-9. Up A-8 again. Down A-9 again. He could have sworn the ground was getting softer as he paced.

The Disney-created creatures stared back at him tauntingly. Puppy Dog Pals. Doc McStuffins. And oh my, the My Little Ponys. The grandfather was sure he could have built a stable with all the Little Ponys.

But the object of his search remained elusive.

Finally, he dragged himself to the merchant’s stand, where a 20-something named Austin regarded the grandfather with what could only be described as a mixture of pity and condescension.

“Vampirina?” he intoned. “Vampirina? We ran out of her in two days about three weeks ago. Are you ever out of luck.”

The crestfallen grandfather gazed downward and mumbled, “Could you … maybe look in the back?”

With an audible sigh, Austin snatched the paper from the grandfather’s hand, and his fingers danced around his phone. Suddenly, a raised eyebrow – one raised eyebrow. “Wait a minute. I’ll be right back,” he said, scurrying toward an unseen corner of Target.

A minute later, Austin returned. His face was slightly flushed.

“We got a shipment last night. At 1:48 a.m. last night,” he whispered. “We got one. One.”

The grandfather softly cradled the prized package. As he left, he looked over his shoulder at Austin, and he just couldn’t resist.

“Timing’s a bitch, isn’t it, Austin?”

 

Warning: very good, 4 minutes, could get dusty in here. Christmas. Oh, and VERY safe for work:

 

REMEMBER: Christmas Story Live! is about to start on Fox in just a few minutes!

 

I love Christmas, but there is literally nothing more difficult all year for me than trying to buy gifts for the women in my life, including my own wife.

 

Based on what happened at Thanksgiving, this may be the "fuck all of you" Christmas. The airing of grievances got a month early start this year.

Horrible. I know.

Plus, I've come down with Lord knows what and might be contagious. I'm starting to think - hey, I'll visit sometime in January. Got to find out what's going on in my lymph nodes first.

At least there's Secret Santa.

Ho.

 

One day I'm going to surprise my wife with that harpsichord she'd love to have.

One day.

 

Was in NYC last weekend, so I have some holiday travel notes. The window displays on Fifth Avenue weren't as spectacular as they have been some other years, but sightseers made up for it by having their pictures taken in front of Trump Tower with its doorman and the two members of NYPD counterterror on permanent duty there. Had fun making faces as they were snapped. My son'g girlfriend who lives in the city was once a ballet dancer, so we all went to the Nutcracker by the NYC Ballet. One thing I did not expect was that the crowd contained many couples in their 20s on dates. I wouldn't have thought guys could figure out how to use a beloved children's classic to get laid, but based on the PDAs I saw on the 1 train coming back, some obviously had.

 

The couple next to us at the South Bend "Nutcracker" was in their 20s with dyed hair, piercings all over. That kind of couple. Kind of fun to see them out together at something that traditional. I guess it's artsy, though.

We went to South Bend this year because Mrs. Whitman didn't like that the new Chicago show is a little non-traditional - the Russian dance, for example, has cowboys, which she didn't like. But we're going back to Chicago next year, I think, just to see a more professional production. South Bend was nice, the theater was beautiful, but you did feel a little bit like you were seeing a production of it put on at a really nice high school.

Did see Notre Dame running back Josh Adams meeting with Drew Rosenhaus's people in a conference room at our hotel when we got back, though, which my 8-year-old got a kick out of.

 

I am done with Christmas. Done.
I want nothing. I ask for nothing and I want to give No one anything. My wife has ruined the holidays for me. She spends and spends and spends some more.
The last few years our kids - 3 of them - get more presents from "us" than they can possible open Christmas morning. I kid you not, our kids have unopened presents that won't get touched for months, if ever. These aren't expensive presents, $5, $10, but it drives me insane. On top of this, our kids are the only grand kids on her side of the family. So grandma and pap buy them a carload of shit every year. Everything our kids want, they get. Plus, a whole bunch of shit they have no idea they would want or need.

A few years ago, I tried having the kids do Angle Tree gifts. Thinking they would give up one of their gifts to give something to others less fortunate.
No.
The wife just bought more; Stuff for the Angel Tree kids, as well as our kids.

Here's the kicker: She buys shit for all her co-workers (17) and her employees (2). All of them. This year, she decided to buy beer and wine for the neighbors, including the new neighbor who's lived next door for a year and the wife has talked to once. Once. How about just bake some cookies or banana bread?

Maybe I am a Grinch. But I am fed the fuck up with Christmas costing $$$$ every year. The "spirit" of giving has become mandatory and I want out.

Thanks for letting me vent.