Questions to the world (that even Siri couldn't answer).

Why do I get so many "sponsored content" stories popping up on news sites I visit about deceased Bonanza actors and the secrets they never shared? Do people actually consider Dan Blocker and Pernell Roberts click-bait?

 

"OOOHHHHHH That Pernell Roberts makes me moist."

 

"Who Knew These Celebrities Suffer From Psoriasis!"

 

I can't remember the thread, but someone here was talking about changing high light bulbs over stairs, and someone else posted a link for a kind of yellow-handled tool that lets you change light bulbs at height, like an extendable paint roller. I clicked on that link, and now I see an ad for that goddamned thing every 24 seconds, everywhere I go.

I DON'T HAVE HIGH LIGHTBULBS MOTHERFUCKERS I WAS JUST CURIOUS NOW LEAVE ME ALONE

 

Why can I get up the five floors of my parking garage to work in two minutes ... but it takes eight minutes to get down those same five floors when I'm leaving?

Answer that, Siri.

 

Why d0 schools have National Letter of Intent ceremonies for non DI student-athletes? Do community colleges really require NLIs?

Also - I understand Super Bowl week is just one long pimp fest with everyone selling everything, but aren't there enough former champions, HOFers, current All-Pros that you don't need to resort to Dan Orlovsky?

 

Why do we park on driveways but drive on parkways?

 

We had an informal newsroom meeting one day long ago in which the IT division director, one of those manager types who loved to command people and show that he was in charge, explained the basics of a new system that would soon be installed. Kinda talking down to us the whole way because he was the computer stud; you know the type. Anyway, once he was done he asked if anyone had any questions, and nobody did because it was boring as shit, but you could tell he was dying to show off more of his expertise, so I raised my hand and he pounced on me and I asked that very question: "Sir, why do we park on driveways but drive on parkways?"

Well, of course half the people around me laughed out loud, and the IT director held it in pretty good, but you could tell he wanted to scream at me because he was quivering a bit and his eyeballs looked like they were about to explode.

Good times, man. One of those sitcom moments in real life.

Saw the guy last year at a reunion, and he looked at me funny and said: "I remember you ... "

 

Does anyone know who would win a street fight between Siri, Alexa, Google and Bixby?

 

Do dogs like tennis because of all the tennis balls flying around, or is it frustrating because these humans are screwing up a good game of fetch?

 

What do I get with my 113 trophy points?