The SJ.com Style Guide, version 3.0

The talk about internet wormholes sent me down this wormhole. And with a grateful nod to BYH's imagination in starting the first one, I thought it might be time to update it.

For my part, I'm going to copy over at least some of the finer entries we had in the great former thread. I lost those which I felt didn't age as well as these. And then feel free to add, everyone.

---------------------- AAA --------------------------

Aliases: Many regulars have them in addition to their "normal" names.

All SportsJournalists.com first team: The top five vote-getters in a category that has no iron-clad criteria (usually people vote for funnest, or most astute):
2003: Mizzougrad96 (Poster of the year), imjustagirl, BitterYoungHack, 21, Clubber_Slang.
2004: imjustagirl (POY), 21, BitterYoungHack, Khartoum, shotglass (or was it alma?).
2005: bubbler (POY), imjustagirl, Hoops_McCann, dooley_womack1, BitterYoungHack

Ask Drunk ______ thread When someone comes on after drinking and starts a thread seeking questions, so they can show how goofy and buzzed they are. Moddy kills thems the second he sees them. The thread that is, not the poster.

Assclown: Much like asshat.

Asshat: Much like assclown.

Asshats & Dicksnorts: The SportsJournalists.com Story: The inevitable tome that will one day recount the board's history.

Ass-scented candles: Created (by Buck?) to wipe out the stink of cucumber-melon candles, used mainly in hotel rooms or wherever Moddy's birks leave an aroma all their own.

Attention whore: Someone who overdramatizes the most mundane of life's events, turning the simplest daily problem into a hugely charged emotional event.

---------------------- BBB--------------------------

Big Bowl of Dicks: As in, go eat a big bowl of dicks. I believe it was Big Dog that said it first.

BLOGS!!!!: Sarcastic term used whenever someone states that alternative online media, particularly blogging, is the future of the industry.

Blue type: Denotes the sarcasm font. Arose from Yawn's inability to function.

Boom goes the dynamite: Reference to a painful on-air sports report by a student from Ball State University. It quickly became a catch phrase in broadcasts around the country.

Botty Call: A booty call for those who can't spell.

Bump: Adding a cheap, often meaningless post (the single word "bump" is commonly used) to get a dying thread back on the front page.

---------------------- CCC --------------------------

Charlie Brown: Pays homage to "It's a Crappy Sequel, Charlie Brown!" the longest running thread in SportsJournalists.com history in which board members would say anything that came to mind and follow it with "... Charlie Brown." For instance: My Editor Is A Dicksnort, Charlie Brown.

Cockdiwaffle: The word used when one can't decide if a person is a Cockdian or Twatwaffle.

---------------------- DDD --------------------------

d_b: Posting old news as if it just occured, a la the universally derided douchebag deep_background.

DTGDTN: Delete This Goddamn Thread Now!! Used whenever a thread goes beyond the acceptable bounds of stupidity or poor taste.

Deer, Rob: The only player comparable to Bo Jackson in MLB history.

Dicksnorts: Term coined by Night Shifter djc3317 to describe SportsJournalists.com's sedate daysiders.

---------------------- EEE --------------------------

Eight seconds: How long BYH lasts in bed.

End of thread: When someone makes a great post, someone will simply post "End of thread," indicating that the thread can't get any better. The post has had a zero percent success rate so far.

Exploding Cigar Penis: PopeDirkBenedict's tale of a man's phallic woes. Read at your own risk.

---------------------- FFF --------------------------

Fail (n.): Non-physical substance that serves as main ingredient of things that are awful. Can be used in place of any negative noun (ex.: failure). Use of this term labels you an internet geek, thus meaning you are made of fail.

Fanboy looser: Used to describe hardened journalists who still root for teams away from the office. Also see: Moddy.

Fetch me a beer, newbie!: A common reply when a relative newcomer posts something stupid or that has been discussed.

Finished on her grill: Needs no explanation.

Fucking dickhead: SportsJournalists.com's universal term of endearment.

Fucking stud: Term coined by Mizzou honoring talented young up-and-comers from journalism factories who are landing huge beats shortly after graduation.

Fuck you, you fucking dickhead: The late, great Spnited's response to most who called him an old dickhead.

Fun with the Quote Function: Used to describe the practice of changing another poster's words when quoting them to make them appear even more silly than they already are. The SportsJournalists.com equivalent of insider sniping, like other standup comedians mocking Carrot Top for being a lousy prop comic.

---------------------- GGG --------------------------

Good enough to work for the Plain Dealer: Reference to a sports writer at a small paper in Ohio who kept applying to work at the Cleveland Plain Dealer and never got an interview. He concluded that he was being discriminated against and he filed a lawsuit.

---------------------- HHH --------------------------

Have a Happy ____ Day: Often used by Moddy, a deflating conversation-ender in which the recipient is to understand that their inclusion in said conversation is no longer desired.


Hoff, The: Germany's favorite pop star and the star of SportsJournalists.com's favorite video ever. Honorable mention goes to Billy Squier.

---------------------- III --------------------------

I'd Hit It: Term coined by Spaceman and used whenever someone wants to indicate a desire to fornicate with a member of the opposite sex, usually a celebrity.

I'm a llama: A sentence that used to appear as default type in the sidesaddle of every new member of sj. It replaced "I love sportsjournalists.com."

---------------------- JJJ --------------------------

Jacoby, Brook: Played in the major leagues from 1981 trough 1992, and in Japan in 1993. He batted and threw right handed. Just a start ... someone else can finish it off.

Jeers: The easy winner of a discussion about how to title the SportsJournalists.com neighborhood bar ambiance that Moddy has fostered. Johnny_dangerously came up with it, and the slogan "where nobody knows your name." It was decided that the restaurant downstairs would be Assclowns.

Just spit coke everywhere: A response used when somebody posts something outrageously funny. The phrase means that it was so funny, that the reader actually spit coke everywhere. See also, Coke Everywhere, Coke All Over Keyboard.

---------------------- LLL --------------------------

Link Please!!: A demand issued by one of the moderators whenever an offensive picture is posted.

Longest opening post of SJ.com history: See this.

Loopy: A reference to New York comminist Mike Lupica. While it might appear to be an offshoot of his name, it is actually how he acts most of the time.

Looser: Became SportsJournalists.com's spelling of "loser," as per bandwagon_boy's spelling when he came on to take credit for a major board crash.

---------------------- MMM --------------------------

Malodorous Swill: Once used to describe the press box food at a Notre Dame football game. See also Fetid Tubes of Flesh.

Mexico, Ron: A specific alias a poster supposedly uses when they are trolling for, er, companionship on the down low. Inspired by a court filing in which a Georgia woman claimed to have contracted VD from Michael Vick, who allegedly used the pen name "Ron Mexico" when registering them at hotels that didn't quite crack the Michelin Guide, and an offshoot Web site that generated random names in a similar vein.

---------------------- NNN --------------------------

NIAFL: No Idiots Allowed Fantasy League. It also means No Invitations Are Forthcoming, Loosers!!! Sorry, but it's the most exclusive fantasy league on SportsJournalists.com ... our own Skull and Bones, if you will.

Never actually happened: What should be a mandatory response when someone claims they spit Coke everywhere, since no one can actually recall the last time they or anyone they know ever did it.

Night crew/day crew: Pretty self-explanatory, though the distinction is usually that the night crew tends to be far wackier than the day crew, though the day crew gets first crack at breaking news, especially industry-related things. The night crew tends to be responsible for inane threads that drag on due to the prevalence of second-shift AM-paper people, poster insomnia, depression, drunkeness or insanity.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That: Usually indicates that the posters definitely thinks there is something wrong with whatever "that" may be. Taken from the Jennifer Aniston movie "The Object of my Affection," in which it was first uttered by Alan Alda. Often seen in it's shorthand form "NTTAWWT."

 

---------------------- OOO --------------------------

Official statement of condolence: What the board tries to come up with to summarize a person upon his death. Usually serious, sometimes sarcastic. Founded by Boom_70.

Old dickhead: SportsJournalists.com's universal term of endearment for the late, great Spnited.

Outing: The act of revealing a poster's true identity on the board. When done by the poster him/herself, it's a perfectly fine act. When done by another posting, it's an act of treason to the board. See also, Outings, group (D.C., Toronto)

---------------------- PPP --------------------------

Pancake Bunny: Used when thread and/or post makes little sense. Often done for shits and giggles when said poster has "an idea of what you're talking about." Random pets (example: Murphy the Dog) may take the place of Pancake Bunny if proficent at Adobe Photoshop.

Pathetitard: A putdown that is derived from "pathetic retard."

Penn Station: Scene of mythical fight between two SportsJournalists.com posters in 2002.

pickle juice: Board member who asked for the keys to the kingdom by inquiring about how one would jump from selling steak knives to cover the Miami Dolphins. Was roundly excoriated in a thread that was too long for its own good and taken way too seriously by no small number of posters.

Pictures, this thread is useless without: Used when a thread refers to a woman, hot or not, but does so without posting masturbatory material for the SportsJournalists.com members who aren't getting laid. (Note: Often said in jest.)

pho-real: A now-defunct poster who may or may not one day be arrested for stalking LeBron James. Showed up one day and started creating thread after thread dedicated to fellating the Cavs superstar. Also possessed perhaps the worst grammar and spelling in SportsJournalists.com history. Proclaimed to be a high school senior and soon-to-be premed student at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, but believed by most to be the alter-ego of a long-time SportsJournalists.com member.

Poin File: Media report about a female teacher hooking up with a male student. Must include photo of said teacher. Bonus points if all participants are female.

Post pad: To post messages at an astounding rate, often for no reason other than to "pad" statistics. In no way linked to Ricky "wrong basket" Davis.

Pussycat: The replacement for the only banned word on SJ I know of.

---------------------- RRR --------------------------

RIP (fill in the blank): Sarcastically coined by Poindexter in response to a spate of sympathetic threads honoring dead celebrities. For instance, if Larry Flynt dies, Poindexter will say "RIP Smut God."

RIP (your name here): A thread title to commemorate those who have gone before us. Sometimes used in respect (see "Woods, Earl"), sometimes used in contempt (see "Lay, Ken.") Mostly used for deaths, but also can be used for jumping the shark moves (see "Chung's career, Connie") or sinking into mediocrity (see "Braves".) ... Note: Please don't confuse us with an "RIP Steve Martin" thread title if you're not talking about the wild and crazy guy. View attachment 3711 Because that won't end well ...

Release the Hounds! A signal to the board's less tactful crowd -- wait, isn't that everyone? -- that someone has posted something controversial and/or stupid and it's time to take your best shot.

Running, all-purpose thread: Catch-all thread devoted (originally) to a single topic, usually a sport outside of the Big 3 American pro sports (hockey, auto racing, soccer, etc.) Offshoots also spring up to cover special events such as a championship game or entertainment awards show. These types of threads are designed to reduce the clutter of multiple threads on the same topic and let people who dislike the topic under discussion avoid it without poisoning discourse. They seldom achieve either purpose.

Rush: A band that sucks.

---------------------- SSS --------------------------

STFU: Shut The Fuck Up. Very rarely used on its own. For instance, if Moddy and I are fighting (again), it's not enough just to say STFU!!! It's more like "Chug A Bottle Of STFU, asshole."

Shameless bump: The same as a bump, but always used after a bump hasn't done the trick.

She Who Cannot Be Named: Describes She Who Cannot Be Named.

Snakes on a Plane: Action-horror movie released in August 2006 starring Samuel L. Jackson which became an Internet and SportsJournalists.com phenomenon well in advance of its release. A scant mention of the words "snakes" or "motherfucking" is guaranteed to liven up a dying thread with follow-up posts containing numerous fake movie posters. Memorable quote from this movie: "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

Splooge: See: Affleck, Ben; Cartman, Eric and right hand.

SportsJournalists.com Awards: Awards voted on by the membership at the end of each year in various categories. People either got into it or (a few) mocked it. They died out when people became too sensitive about them.

Starman Justice: Pays homage to Starman, who wants recidivist drug dealers, drug users, child molestors, murderers and Pete Rose dealt with in the most brutal and finalistic way possible.

State of the board thread: Thread somebody starts when they think the board is sucking or is in crisis, but usually not accompanied by solutions. Usually just gives Buck indigestion and makes for a funny thread that gets jacked 10 ways from Pluto.

Stickying a thread: A moderator making sure a thread won't move from the top of the first page. The most of those we've had at one time is six.

---------------------- TTT --------------------------

Tahoe, 15 minutes from: Used to describe the location of every journalism job in America.

Thanks for checking in (insert name here): Standard retort when someone posts glowing praise for a colleague.

The Board Has Been Shut Down For Less Than This!!: Pays homage to the Daily News/Boston Globe issues which reportedly closed the original incarnation of this board. Used whenever a discussion gets out of hand. Or whenever Bonnie Bernstein is mentioned.

This sets up the rest of the season nicely: Standard, sarcastic review of latest disappointing episode of "The Sopranos." Used for any drawn-out series.

This thread won't end well: Phrase used after a controversial or inflammatory comment is made, especially one made out of context with the general discussion.

Thread-jack: Steering a thread toward a conversation completely different from which it was intended.

Threads of the Year: One of the SportsJournalists.com Award categories. Probably worth looking up if you don’t recall them.
--2003: Is There Such a Thing as Love?
--2004: Hustle's pregnant ex-girlfriend is an Internet porn model
--2005: The Mitch Albom thread.

tim: Former poster who thought no draft could be analyzed until five years had gone by.

Twatwaffle n., adj.: Originally lobbed by carrie toward DyePack, it takes the place of fucktard and pathetitard as the most cutting of SportsJournalists.com insults.

---------------------- VVV --------------------------

Vitriol: Ad-hominem attacks on other posters. Used to be more frequent, believe it or not.

---------------------- WWW --------------------------

What About the Waitresses: A 5-year-old reminder of jr/shotglass' stance early in the Jerry Sandusky case, in which he pointed out the potential effect to the State College community at large should Penn State football receive the death penalty. A Vombatus favorite.

When's Junction Boys on Again?: Standard rejoinder for any ESPN thread, or any nonsensical thread.

Wonderbat: SportsJournalists.com's bat of choice when they play softball. Spokesperson Stephanie registered one night to spam us about this bat. Several threads were started about various aspects of this person. We don't think any of the threads lasted the night.

Won't Somebody Think of the Children?: Often heard from a wailing Helen Lovejoy or whiners talking about the decline of society.

---------------------- YYY --------------------------

You're hired!: Term coined by SportsJournalists.com's king of the lower case, hoops mccann, in response to dorks who, unprovoked, tout their own abilities or ask the openings on job threads.

You are responding to an imaginary post: A Dick Whitman original. Used when the poster believes that the respondent is arguing against a point that said poster has not actually made.

 

RSW: "Rick Stain Would" (alt.: "Rick Stain Wood"), often used to describe creepy looking teachers in Poin Files.

 

"The Outing" episode from Seinfeld aired in 1993. The Object of my Affection is 1998.

 

How about: “(Blank) has flipped, suck it!: Initially stated by a gloating Mizzougrad96 when a poll indicated John McCain leading in a deep blue state during the 2008 election cycle. The poll quickly revealed itself to be an embarrassing outlier. Occasionally referenced, for example, when entity or person changes its/his mind.”

 

Believe the original statement was about Oregon. "Oregon has flipped! Suck it, Libs."

(Oregon has not, in fact, flipped.)

What a different world that was.

 

Why do you hate America?: Used originally by conservatives to question liberals' patriotism during the Bush Administration, now used when a poster questions something our country cherishes.

How about No? Bear: A picture of a bear with both of his paws up. Supposed to symbolize someone that even the bear wouldn't find attractive.

TINMHITTMAL: A frequent QYFW response on the politics thread that he kept secret for a long time to poke fun at liberals.

Cornfields: A place where Freqposter likes to bring women to have sex with. See also: Bookstores.

Bookstores: A place where Freqposter likes to meet and impress lonely housewives.

 

The inevitable thread within the thread.
For Newbies - the Board reference thread.

 

And the thread that started that:

 

It has to have been at least a couple years since Rick has added "would." He's that persona no more. An example of (blank) has flipped, suck it, perhaps?

 

Six, and its variations, probably deserves a spot though there's been a recent backlash.

One of more recent vintage...

Now do (blank): a Politics thread favorite whataboutism rhetorical device used in response to any partisan criticism to highlight hypocrisy from the other side in as few as three words.