The politics thread is locked so let’s talk about anything else

I’m most violent against computer mice. That is my lone violent streak. I murdered the last one. I was on assignment out of town and it was constantly connecting and disconnecting from my laptop while I was trying to use it. It was plugged in fine, but just kept chiming every time it disconnected.

Finally, I had enough. Full-on chucked it against the wall. Shattered into several pieces and I used the touch pad the rest of the trip. Felt good.

 

Lawn darts. Pisses me off that I can't pop over to Montgomery Ward and buy a set right now. I want to throw those perfectly-balanced missiles like there's no tomorrow. I have some scores to settle in the neighborhood.

 

You know what is even more satisfying? Take hold of the end of the cord, swing that thing around your head like Lash LaRue, and pop that little plastic fucker against a cement wall.

 

I definitely did not realize its whip function for maximum speed. Next time. Luckily my current mouse has a wire. It’s been acting up recently too. Could use some discipline.

 

I would pay good money to get you drunk enough to stumble around town in search of Jarts.

"Hey there you pissant do you know where Montgomery Ward went?"
"Montgomery What?"
"Montgomery Ward! It was here at the corner of Fifth and Main, where the fuck did it go?"
"Sir this is a Target, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"FUCK YOU YOU DON'T. Montgomery Ward. They had the best catalog stuff."
"Catalog?"
"Well where the fuck else are you going to buy your parents Christmas presents? And lawn darts to kill your brothers?"
"Lawn darts?"
"I'LL KILL YOU!"

 

If you're gonna have to shoot a bigger brother, the shotgun blast to the balls is best practices for your deliverables.

 

My older sister and I (we must have been 7 and 5 maybe) was playing that game when you blindfold the other and feed him something and he has to guess what it is. She fed me salad dressing, so I fed her windex.

 

I am totally telling my sister this the next time I see her. And maybe fetching her a drink from the kitchen.

 

Have a nice night @SpeedTchr!

 

Things go horribly wrong at BYH's family reunion:

 

YES!!! LET'S HEATHERS-JACK THIS FUCKER!!! CC: @QYFW

 

Damn, do I ever miss that place. Some of the best underwear and furniture I ever bought was from them.