Childhood misunderstandings

Stolen from Twitter. Figured this could make for an interesting thread:



Mine:

I thought "guerrilla warfare" involved actual gorillas, like Planet of the Apes.

 

Euthanasia.

"Why the fuck is everyone concerned about a bunch of Asian kids?"

 

When I was really little, I thought all MLB games were taking place at Comiskey Park. As in every section entrance led into a different game.

 

I was almost in kindergarten before I realized when my mom was referring to my junk she was saying penis, not peanuts.

 

I thought a blow job was the same thing as a blow hard. Then I wrote a short story in grammar school and named a character Blow Job Bob. I read it to my father before I was going to submit. He corrected me.

 

I thought oral sex was talking dirty to the girl. Thus, I thought I saw two security guards engaging in oral sex at County Stadium, he whispering into her ear and she smiling.

 

I thought color wasn't invented until the 1960s or 1970s.

 

To think...many of these things are now answered by Google...with pictures and videos to boot.

 

Speaking of Google, my kids favorite thing is to ask me random questions so I can "ok, Google" it. It's fairly hilarious at times.

"What's the tallest mountain in South America?"
"What's the tallest building in California?"
"How tall is that tree?"

Uh, I don't think Google can tell us that.

"Why not?"

Yesterday the littlest asked me to find out how many countries were in Asia. 48.

"Oh good, I was hoping for at least 43."

 

I thought my dad's middle name was Raven until I was, like, 15. It's Raymond.