2018 NFL off-season thread: Mr. Alex Smith goes to Washington

At least tell us you were her last fling before marriage.

 

I get the vibe that it was a friends only prom date.

 

Nope. All I have are a picture that shows off my hair with the middle part, and frequent updates from my mom about how happy the couple is.

 

Your mom sounds like she could hold her own on this board.

 

Jets sign McCown and Bridgewater to one-year deals.

 

I have a friend who has an uncanny knack for being the last person a girl is with before she finds her husband. He's the one where they come out of it and say, "You know what? I don't want to do this shit anymore." I would say at least six women are married with children right now, and the last person any of them banged before marriage was my buddy.

 

Did you confuse your friend with the plot of "Good Luck Chuck?"

 

The Buck Showalter of dating?

 

How does your friend square himself with that?

 

No, that's Mark Chmura.

 

I have never even heard of this movie. Should my friend sue?

It's become kind of a running joke. He's a pretty strange guy if I'm being honest. He's successful with women but only in the short term. He usually breaks up with them—he's the same friend I mentioned somewhere else recently, the one who broke up with the girl who didn't think owls could fly—so it's not like he has anyone to blame but himself. But it's ridiculous how many of them settle down right after. The girl with the owl, Heather... We ran into her maybe a year after they broke up. She was married with a baby. She must have been pregnant within a couple of months of breaking up with my friend.

He has a huge cock, and we joke that it short circuits them, but if I'm being honest, being with him does mess them up somehow. They just don't want to date anymore. They're like, Well, it's time to settle down. It's happened too often to be a coincidence.

 

I have no idea why I'm talking about this on an NFL thread. Sorry.