Childhood misunderstandings

Has there ever been a woman named Yvonne who wasn’t gorgeous?

 

Shit, we butchered hogs all the time when I was younger, and I never made that association. Shot them, stuck them, scalded and scraped them, cut them up and ate fresh tenderloin. If I had help, I could still do it all today.

 

Au contraire, Molson Breath. Every Joshua I've ever met was a namby ...

 

I thought it was a Joshua who spit on you. Maybe that was Jericho?

 

Ay yi yi yi!!!

 

I had a friend in middle school who was steadfast in his belief that Pepsi was a Coke product.

 

He was a Jericho. In my experience, 100 percent of men named Jericho need to get punched.

 

I broke one of my front teeth in fifth grade, and later went to the dentist to have a crown put on.

I made the mistake of looking in the mirror during a break in the action. My half-tooth turned into a baby fang.

Got the crown on and went home. Later, as I was getting ready for bed, I felt something wiggle in my mouth.

I panicked. The thought of my new crown coming off and having to go to school the next day with a fang terrified me.

A close inspection of my mouth, and a few tense seconds later, we pulled off what must have been a protective covering on the perfectly-fitted crown.

Thanks for the heads up, doc.

 

Do you know if this is still true?

I’m not above traveling around the country hustling people out of their money by betting them I can spot a Pepsi without tasting it.

 

When I was a kid, there was a chip company—I can't remember which—that had a contest where inside the bag, there would be a little stamp that said you'd won a free bag of chips. Devious 8-year-old me figured out that you could read that stamp if you held up the bag to the light a certain way. I would go to the store with my previous wrapper for a free bag of chips, carefully select my next bag of chips, and I ate free chips for months. The owner of the store never figured out how I did it. I remember him saying, "You must be the luckiest kid in the world."

"That's right, grandpa. Now give me my free chips." Felt like I was getting away with the crime of the century.

 

Or its British and it dropped the definite article while referring to a place. Like saying "this little piggie went to hospital" doesn't have a different meaning from "this little piggie went to the hospital"