Fact, not Opinion: Mayonnaise is the Queen of Condiments

What's wrong with some spicy brown or deli mustard that has a bit of horseradish in it?
That's my go-to for roast beef.

 

Yellow mustard is for children

 

Horsey Sauce (TM) from Arby's satisfies my mayonnaise requirements while also offering the zip of artificial horseradish flavouring. It is the best of the fast-food condiments.

 

Very true.
Potato cakes with horsey sauce are the bees knees.

 

Mustard is for cured meats.

 

I've shared this story before, but it's worth retelling for this discussion.
My wife and I went to Chicago a few years ago and stopped into a hot dog place up the street from Wrigley. We wanted a good Chicago-style dog, but were overwhelmed by the dozen or so available toppings and condiments so we asked the counter guy what usually goes on top.
The guy, who had a thick European accent, gave me words of wisdom that apply not just to hot dogs but life in general.
"Most people say you get the mustard, the pickle, the celery salt, tomato," he said. "Fuck that. Get whatever. The fuck. You like."

You like mustard on roast beef? Mayonnaise on hot dogs?
Get whatever. The fuck. You like.

 

Probably Polish. Did he push the pierogis?

 

Are you secretly my wife?

 

Only when I'm catfishing.