Helping those Depressed....And doing it all wrong

Someone very close to me recently showed me an article in the NY Times (sorry can't find it; just a small sidebar in yesterday's paper) about how best to help someone who's suffering from depression.

Two big takeaways:

1. Let them absolutely know that they are important to you and that you need them around; and

2. Don't try to tell them they are wrong or that life's great or what great things they have in their lives.

As a widely optimistic person who's default protection is to think "life can always be worse" I've been doing it all wrong. Luckily, my friend was very gracious and told me "that's okay, you didn't know what to do."

Hope this helps someone else besides myself.

 

Yes, the "you know there are starving children in Africa" line, while well intentioned, isn't the pick-me-up some might think it is.

 

An newer article:

25 'Harmless' Comments That Actually Hurt People With Mental Illness

So I said almost all of them; I feel so lame.

 

More athletes need to be like DeMar:

 

I can count on one hand how many of those comments, on the surface, sound harmless. If someone I cared about said some of those things to me, they'd be fighting words.

 

I remember meeting a then-new roommate for the first time. He told me he had depression.

My immediate response was, "man, that sucks."

He then told me he could tell who'd dealt with depression in the past and who hadn't by their reactions to his revelation.

That response has stayed with me ever since. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not.

 

So, saying, "man, that sucks" immediately disqualifies someone as ever having depression?

 

Today’s more appropriate responses might be:

“What meds are you on?”

“Do you have a gun?”

 

"Better you than me" is my go-to line in such situations.

 

That seems like a twist on “Better Red than dead”.

 

I've dealt with depression, and I still don't know what to say to people who tell me they're dealing with it sometimes.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry. Hang in there. Sometimes life is really fucking hard. It will get better. If you need anything in the meantime, I’m always here. I love you.”