What to do, what to do......

Love this clip.

NSFW-Language.

 

Being in school at the moment took that off my radar. Going on to a PhD seems like a level of masochism beyond even my tolerance -- even if it's all but a necessity if I want to teach anywhere above a community college -- but a Masters in history could get me back in the classroom. If nothing else, it would help fill the gaping void between Hardcore History episodes.

 

Even $1.6 billion goes mighty fast when you start giving about $1 million to everybody you know.

I've always wanted a briefcase full of cash, though. Maybe pay for a house with it, just to feel like a super cool mercenary or spy.
I've also always wanted to wipe my ass with a $100 bill just to be able to cockily sneer and say, "Psshaw. I wipe my ass with hundred dollar bills!"
If I had a billion dollars, I think I could spare a C-Note to make that happen.

 

Note to self: Don't borrow money from Batman.

 

I just thought of this after overhearing somebody talk about going to get tickets for tonight's drawing. What would it feel like if somebody in your life won the grand prize? A friend, a family member, or an acquaintance, in the many ways you can feel about those people? I am such a fucking mess I would lose it if somebody I knew won it.

 

I'd probably become a philanthropist.

I would definitely donate to causes I'm passionate about.

 

If I win, still fuck the United Way.

 

We had a guy in our circulation area win a huge jackpot. He did the lottery press release and said he did not want to talk to the media. That didn't stop our editors from sending me and a photographer to his neighborhood. We did not knock on his door, since he already said he didn't want to talk to reporters (and it didn't appear that he was home).

We spoke with a couple walking their dog on the street then decided it wasn't our business to tell the neighbors this guy was now a multimillionaire. If he wants to tell them, it's his business. So we got in our cars and went home.

 

I'm pretty sure I could spend it all in 30 days, no matter the amount.

Certainly would set up a foundation or three to help fund some of my pet causes: pediatric cancer research, higher education for low-income students, seed money for young entrepreneurs.

Then let the ridiculous spending spree begin:

* My fleet of cars. I love cars. I'd get my '57 Chevy and my '77 Trans Am and my Corvettes from every generation and my big luxobarge Escalade and whatever else I wanted.
* I'd get a Gulfstream and season tickets to every NFL team, and just decide on Sunday morning which game(s) I wanted to attend.
* Homes in Spain, Italy, the Pacific Northwest, the south Australia coast, New York, San Francisco, Florida, the Carolina mountains, Colorado. Just look at the weather forecast and decide where the weather was going to be best that week and stay there.
* Hire an accountant, hire an attorney to watch the accountant, and then a financial adviser to watch the attorney.
* Oh, I guess I'd pay for my kids' educations and shit too, whatever they want. Beyond that, they're on their own, 'cause I'm not planning to leave anything for them to inherit.
* Maybe an SJ secret-Santa type thing where I give $100,000 to whoever creates the most interesting thread that day. Or if a post gets more than 30 likes, here's $100K. I'll cut you guys in somehow.

 

Impossible to do.