Why are fights so commonplace?

And not only that, but almost completed accepted? Now firstly I'm talking about a fight as in a heated disagreement or argument, not a boxing match. Secondly, I know two people who decide to live with one another or be around each other for long periods of time are destined to have some disagreement.

However, what bothers me is how acceptable it seems to be.

What do you think? Is there such a thing as a 'healthy' amount of fighting?

 

Why does it bother you? Humans have moods that fluctuate so we react to situations differently from day to day. We approach problems differently from each other no matter how close we become. We get excited for an expected outcome and that expectation might be different from our partner's. Arguments are going to happen.

 

There's definitely a healthy amount of friction between adults, but I don't know that it ever needs to rise to the level of fight. (The definition of a fight probably varies wildly from relationship to relationship. I'm also pretty convinced a "fight" never needs to happen in front of a child or pre-teen child.)

I grew up in a house where days-long screaming fights were commonplace with a parent who was not completely psychologically balanced and I reflexively designed my life around avoiding conflict as a young adult. The lengths you have to go to in life to avoid conflict are debilitating. As is being in a place where you can't relax because a knock'em out-drag'em out fight is a couple minutes away.

I'm just starting to learn in my 30's how a healthy disagreement works. Learning this while being married to a lawyer has not been good for my win-loss record in these things.

 

How do you know it's acceptable? How many such fights have you been privy to, particularly outside of your own household? I know they're not acceptable to me.

Methinks this is just another one of John B. Foster's many recent open-ended questions, making him the main thread-starter around here lately...

Not that that's a bad thing, mind you. But this isn't one of the better ones.

 

I got in a "fight" this morning with my gf because she asked me to turn on the tea pot for her. I did, but mistakenly thought there was already enough water in it. When she came downstairs, she snapped and asked why I hadn't put water in it, said I didn't pay attention to details sometimes, blah, blah, blah. I snapped back, said the only reason she wanted tea was because she had forgotten to buy more keurig pods (which was true). We went silent for a few minutes, both kind of stewing. She drove me to work, during which time I called ahead to a restaurant for a breakfast sandwich. I asked her if she wanted anything, knowing full well she didn't, but knowing I'd look like a dick for not asking. She said no. After I got off the call with the restaurant, I turned to her and said, "Ya know, they can probably take that stick out of your butt." She laughed. "Fight" over.

You're not always gonna be in the same mood as people close to you. You just have to not let those conflicting moods trip you into fights that are really concrete, i.e., that result in saying or doing things you really regret.

 

Man is fallen and broken. Hence. we fight. Sin did that.

 

I obviously only have my own experiences to go on, but in my long term relationships, I've had one fight and it was because unlike every other time there was a problem, things were not said in time. I do my best to air any problems I have and I've stressed the women I've dated to do the same and it's worked so far. I understand not everyone operates that way.

In addition, a fight can mean whatever you want it to. A "fight" is not a discussion or a debate, a fight involve animosity and aggression.

I just like to create discussions. Some may be "bad ones" some may enjoy them.

You win some, you lose some.

 

How meta.

 

Keep on posting.

"I would rather give full vent to all human loves and disappointments, and take a chance on being corny, than die a smartass.” - Jim Harrison

 

My spouse is frequently wrong about things, and it can take her a while to realize that in any given circumstance or on any given topic.
Seems to be the main cause in our home.

 

She probably says the exact same thing.

 

This lets a lot of folks off the hook for their own rotten behavior.

The notion of universal, permanent, ineradicable 'sin' condemns us all to helplessness.