I Was Wrong Ever to Leave You, Bar Soap

Friends, an important announcement: I have seen through the lies of BIG BODY WASH and returned to the simple pleasures of bar soap. Half of all body wash goes down the drain without even thinking of touching human skin. It requires conveyance in plastic bottles, when the world is already awash in plastic. It's overpriced and overscented. Body wash is to cleanliness what Peach Schnapps is to drinking: a stain on human history, an embarrassment to our better selves.

Since my return to bar soap, I feel cleaner. I feel manlier. I waste less. I spend less. There is no downside.

We've been talking about what we've given up. To what have you returned?

 

You weren’t using a shower puff with the body wash?

 

Came across something one time that was combo bodywash/shampoo. But you're right - bar soap is a better value. I use one of those bath mitts and stick a bar in there so I don't lose any small fragments. Works fine.

 

Or a hand towel? Old socks do the job too.

 

Are you Jim Tomsula?

 

No. No, I was not using a shower puff.

 

Well, there's your problem. All but eliminates the waste AND helps exfoliate.

 

Saving @YankeeFan the trouble of quoting your homophobia.

 

I'm not Casey Affleck in "Good Will Hunting," either.

 

This is like finding out you've been using the wrong utensil for years. Nobody told me about the puff. WHY GODDAMMIT I'M A GOOD PERSON.

 

Just remember to change it out every 1-2 months. It can get gross, bacteria-wise, and starts to smell.