Your Biggest Bender

Well, there was the time that my running buddies and I were going to fish offshore on the party boat. Drank most of the night, smoking dope and playing poker. Got up early the next morning (maybe three hours of sleep), made the boat. I was dumb enough to eat breakfast off of the little grill on the boat. It was a largish trimaran, but we were catching eight foot waves. I was sitting inside reading instead of staying topside and keeping my eyes on the horizon like a sensible person when my stomach decided it wanted to part company with my fried egg sandwich. I ran for the head and threw up - and the puke went down the tube just as the boat hit a big wave and blew it back up in my face.

I chummed that whole trip. Puke and fish, fish and puke. Good times.

 

Oh Good Heavens.
I just about puked reading that.

 

My wife has cautioned me several times about telling any of the stories of my childhood or early adulthood.
Even into my 30s.

 

Back when I was coaching HS basketball (20 some years ago)we would go to the State tourney in Madison whenever we didn't qualify ourselves. One of the coaches always drove and he would have bloodies mixed and ready in the cup holders of his minivan. The head coach would bring beers and I had stogies. We got on the road at 7:00 am and polished off the roadies. We stayed a block or 2 from the old Fieldhouse and immediately hit The Copper Grid bar as they were opening. Occasionally we made a couple of games but normally drank until bar time. I have a hard time drinking less then 3 beers an hour so I assume i would have 40-50+ beers. We then woke up early on Friday and played hoops at the Shell against college kids. We never really lost the court so we would run for a couple hours, shower up and start it all again around 10:00 in the morning until bar time. For a couple years a great friend of ours was winning titles so we had to stay for Sat's games. That was brutal, not the same energy but still probably another 25 beers over the day. I could probably do one of those days now but I would be calling my wife to come pick me up first thing Friday morning. I coached at the D3 college level this year on the staff of my old head coach's son. He wants me to go to Final Four. I told him that might kill me at this stage so I better politely decline.

 

I haven’t truly lived.

 

I have never been this drunk ...

He then told police what really happened and said he had been drinking on his back deck with Hicks and wanted Hicks to shoot him with the vest on.

Hicks shot Ferris with a .22 caliber semi-automatic rifle, according to the affidavit.

The bullet hit the top left corner of the vest stopping the bullet but leaving a red mark.

Ferris told police he was "pissed" and Hicks put the vest on, the affidavit states.

Ferris then "unloaded the clip into Hicks' back," according to a police report.

No rounds from the .22 caliber semi-automatic rifle penetrated the vest.

Two Arkansas Men Arrested for Taking Turns Testing Bullet Proof Vest on Each Other

 

Darwin asleep at the wheel again. Those numbnuts should have wound up killing each other so they can't breed. Or, being Arkansas, so they can't breed with their sisters.

 

And they weren't even drinking...

I'm willing to bet just as many crazy things happen in Arkansas as Florida. There's just not as much news coverage. I went to college in Tennessee and everyone I met from Arkansas was a bit off.

 

Florida has much more liberal open records laws. That's why Florida Man is a thing.

 

Well, of course they were drinking. Check that story again.

 

Goddamnit.