F*** You, Salon

The equivalent of putting perfume on a turd.

 

An avocado by itself tastes like shit. The stuff you add to it to make gaucamole tastes awesome.

 

A few weeks ago I ordered toast* with my breakfast. What arrived with my order were four whole wheat points with something that looked like baby shit mashed into them.

Me: Excuse me. I think your butter is...um...turning?

Waitress: (brightly) That's toast!

Me:

Waitress: ...with avocado (She pronounced it "ah-vah-keh-dah." No, I don't think she'd heard of them before working at *redacted name of Portal To Hell tm*.)

Dining Companion: The hipsters have won.

Me: The next time someone suggests secession...

*No, you don't order biscuits out. You never order biscuits out. You eat your mama's biscuits and declare they are the best you've ever had. Don't make me slap that hockey puck made by someone who doesn't love you out of your damned hand.

 

Never had avocado toast until last summer. Tried it at a coffee shop in W. Mass (theirs was topped with an egg). It was delicious. Despite all the bitching on here by angry old dudes, it's one thing millennials have gotten right.

 

Now get off mah lawn!

 

Here’s a story that might flip Starman into becoming a major Trumper.

America would run out of avocados in three weeks if Trump shuts down the U.S.-Mexico border

 

Our next door neighbor has a nice avocado tree that hangs partly over our yard. Twice a year, we get as many as we can use, and then some.

Have some of you never had fresh guacamole with your chips?

This is like arguing about fresh air and sunshine.

 

Only he can fix it.

Make
Avocados
Go
Away