Your Biggest Bender

My biggest benders were all newsroom-related.

 

The year was 1994. March. Chicago.

I was a 19 year old kid. Started off at Rush and Division with $650 cash and a buddy of mine who was 26. Knew him from work.

Began with beer at 7 pm and then progressed to White Russians at some point. Met Scottie pippen and Pete Myers upstairs at the bar next door. Random.

Six or seven bars later, were in a cab to some strip club on Orleans Street called the Top Shelf. By the time we left around 12:30, I chose to wear a shirt that had the PENTHOUSE logo on it - and had left my old shirt there. Remember some dancer putting it on me.

We returned to the first bar (where it was beer) and the White Russians kept flowing.

Now it’s about 2:30 am. And I’m blabbering to the guy next to me.

“What a city. I’m 19 and I’m shit faced and loving life.” I slap the jacket of the guy next to me.

The part I slapped with the patch of his workplace. Chicago Police.

I was so scared for three seconds. He stated with contempt. And then his mustache parted and he laughed.

“Don’t do anything stupid, kid.”

But we did as I have no idea how we got his LeBaron to the Des Plaines Oasis on I-90 when I woke up at 6:30 am. He opened the door and the awful scent of an Egg McMuffin jarred me awake.

I looked in my wallet. Four dollars. That’s all I had left. The night cost me $650 but, damn, what a night.

 

I can’t think of a bar tab coming anywhere close to that. Mine have topped out at around $100. We spent that much on St. Paddy’s this year probably.

 

I think the most I ever spent in one night out was on a $500 birthday dinner for my wife and a few other guests. It was really nice dinner, but not quite LEGENDARY.

 

Stealing it.

“Because Who Leaves a Dog Alone With a Pizza” is going to be the title of my autobiography.

 

How about mid-30s. Or 40s. Or 50s?

 

I have toned down my indulging quite a bit.
I drink much, much less frequently.
When I do drink, I still drink more than is common, or polite, but I limit it, so the anecdotes since about 36 or so just aren't anything worth telling.
Anymore, I rarely even get to go out to indulge. Several former drinking buddies have moved. I've become very aware of not being too drunk in public anymore. There is a certain public aspect to my job that causes me concern about those situations.
Honestly, that may have been true when I was a reporter and an editor, too, but I was too young, too stupid and too much of a drunkard to care back then.

Also, I am very obsessive about music for the past decade or so. When I can, I'd rather stay home and work on music and home recordings, having some drinks while I do that. On the rare occasion that I go out, I usually regret it and wish I'd stay home to pursue my hobby.

Lastly, I have aged out of multiple days of drinking. I cannot handle the hangovers anymore. I won't drink two days in a row.
And when I think of 'bender,' I kind of assume it is multi-day intoxication.

 

A pour or two of Glenfiddich or some other Scotch is a nightly ritual for me. Along with a few tokes.

Unless it's with the wife, I go out about twice a year anymore. Before kids, I went out drinking a lot more often.

 

Bachelor party in Montreal, 2005. First and last time I've ever done this -- played credit card roulette. Basically we all went out for a huge dinner -- steaks, scotch, etc. Bill was enormous. Like 20 guys, probably $3,000-$4000. Everyone tosses in their credit cards and we pull five randomly from the stack. Those five foot the bill, everyone else walks.

I can still picture the look on the face of one of the guys who lost. After all, he was now paying like $1000 while everyone else was skating.

I would have been broke for a year if my card had been pulled. But not a single one of us begged off. It was stupid, but also electrifying. The problem was, by your winning, other guys were losing big. Really put a damper on the whole evening. Ya know, for the losers. I got shitfaced and celebrated like it was the end of days.

 

To this point, if I do overindulge, I'd rather it be at a place where I know them and they know me, so to speak. I will probably drink too much tonight during the Caps game since I'm off tomorrow, but it will be at a safe place, where I usually watch, with other fans. I think once a bartender gets to know you, they feel a bit better about gently nudging you when you've had one too many. Hey, maybe you should have that glass of water. You know, Lyft isn't too expensive right now ... I appreciate it. A good bartender is an art. I'm also single with no kids, so I'm probably a little more apt to go hard than I would otherwise. Not saying it's right, but it is what it is.

 

Going hard stopped being worth it when I started feeling like deep-fried ass the next morning.

 

This is so accurate.