What's the closest you ever came to death?

Heart attack on the way back from 2003 Florida Sports Writers Association college football media days. I outlived the FSWA, it turns out.

Also walked away after skidding across three lanes on I-75 in 1994. Say what you will, but I was blessed that day.

 

Was driving through Norman, Oklahoma a few years ago. My lane on I-35 turned from completely clear to snow-packed in no time, and when I tried to get over, I spun out across three lanes of traffic and somehow no one hit me. I nearly threw up on the side of the road. Two good samaritans stopped to make sure I was ok and help check my car out, one of them saying that he has no idea how I did not straight up roll my car.

Then, about an hour south of OKC (and two hours from home), the road was completely ice-packed and I had moved less than a mile in an hour in bumper to bumper traffic. Put out on Twitter that I was in a bad spot and an unnamed SJer sent me a DM and managed to find me a place to stay for the night so I could get off the road and give my nerves a rest and get some food in my stomach.

 

I was crossing a street in my flyover city, and a driver made a right turn into me. One second I'm walking, and the next I'm on the car's hood, and the next I'm thrown into the street. I could see the bumper and the underside of the car. I thought it was going to run me over and kill me — like a country dog that naps under your car and gets killed by the oil pan as you back out of the gravel driveway.

On the way home after a high school date, the two-lane highway had a little more snow that I realized and I did a 360 not a second after I met a car coming the other way. My car wound up on the opposite shoulder. If I had spun right before that car and I met, my no seatbelt wearing ass would be dead. Some exes might say it would have been better if I did.

During a whitewater trip in West Virginia, I got pitched out of the raft and caught in a washing machine river spot. Fighting the water, I would come up with just enough time to take a breath before being pulled back under again. This happened, like, three times, and I'm thinking, Shit, I'm going to drown right here in this fucking river. I remember the guide on another, bigger raft sprinting toward me and throwing a rope. They dragged me into the raft, and I soon met up with my raft and we continued on down the river. That night, there was a band playing at the outfitter's campground, and I had to (got to) tell my story over and over; I imagine it's what real popularity feels like. I was there with a group, but I spent that evening and into the night dancing with the older than me women on the rescue raft. Wound up making out with the cutest one.

Nearly died in a Minneapolis hotel room. Fucking jumbo martini.

 

When I was playing in the street as a kid and there was an onrushing car when my parents were too far away to do anything.

 

You should go rafting more often.

Idea: Next SJ Gathering - whitewater rafting.

We’ll see who throws whom a rope.

 

So many of these near misses are driving-related, which isn't altogether surprising. But still.

 

Between being in the military and also being a poster boy for "hold my beer and watch this," it's truly hard for me to say. I'm sure I've flirted with it more times than I actually care to know.

The biggest "ooohhhh shit" moment I've had was in 2014, traveling late at night on highway 64 between Tarboro and Rocky Mount, N.C. It's a 4-lane highway. A truck with a boat in tow crossed the median and did a Dukes of Hazzard number right into our lane. We jammed on the brakes. The boat came off the trailer and speared through the front of a car in front of us. We had to get back on the gas and swerve into the median around the body that came rolling out into the road. I read the next morning that the guy in the truck and two people in the car were killed.

Was I close to being killed? I honestly don't know. I sure saw it that nighy, though.

 

Damn. I forgot one. Mostly because I was so young that I don't really remember the incident. I only know this story from my parents retelling it. They took me to the zoo when I was only three or four years old. We were looking at Sea Lions and I leaned in too close. My mother yanked me back just as one of them lunged for me. Sea Lion attacks on humans are rare, but it's not good to get close to them.

 

I’ve seen a sea lion skull during safety training.

Those things have big, nasty, meat-ripping teeth.

Be glad your mom pulled you back - your face would have been out of place.

 

Oh, I am glad about that. I certainly know how much damage a sea lion can do. My mother made sure of that.

 

I didn't realize it at the time ... blissful ignorance, I s'pose.

Was going down the James River in an inner tube with a friend who was a fucking outdoors expert at LL Bean. Supposedly. Yet there we were, riding over a notch in Z Dam in an inner tube. She should have known better. I hadn't been on that part of the river, so I didn't. Friends of mine who kayak told me it was unbelievably stupid and that upwards of 20 people have died going over that dam. I suppose I got lucky, but I sure as hell won't ever go near it again.

 

Cue @freqposter