I lost another friend

I second all of VB's thoughtful post. Even when I just lurk, if I see SP has replied to his own thread, my heart skips a beat. A long long time ago, in the board's first incarnation, a friend to many of us died from suicide. Other posters over the years have shared their own suicide ideations, and while many of us reached out on the board or in person or via PMs, we're not trained to do much more than offer a sympathetic ear.
Moderators, this is where heavy lifting on your parts might be required.
And please know this dear Smallpotatoes, we only want you well.

 

@Smallpotatoes, if you've been talking to someone and you haven't felt comfortable telling him about this, find someone you CAN talk to. If you need help finding someone where you are, DM me. I'll be glad to help you find some resources in your area to put you on track to finding a Virgil to your Dante and best of all, getting stronger.

PS. I am not skirting volunteering because I don't like you. It would be irresponsible for me to step up. My owners are all but putting clown noses on us to make counseling easier and, well, if I don't wake up, look at my email, and mutter, "What the fuck?" I check my driver's license to see if I'm still me. I can't really begrudge it because damned if it isn't working. Ya got people here pulling for you (including me.) Time to join the pep squad and start rooting for yourself. Be well.

Edit: I am not Englishing very well today. I didn't mean I dislike you. I meant it wasn't a good idea to try to counsel or something. I'm going to go do some deep breathing and try to jump-start my brain. ::sigh::

 

I understand what you mean. No worries. I'll explain things a little more later. Thank you.

 

I just realized, I haven't posted in a while here on any topic.

At my job (still driving rental cars), I'm back up to 40 hours. Even worked some overtime the last 2 days.

I kind of like the job and the people. There's not a lot of stress now that I'm used to it. I work days, 8-4:30. It's the first time in a while I've worked days so it's taken some time to get acclimated.

It doesn't pay enough, however, and I'm still holding up selling my mom's condo because I can't afford to live anywhere else. (We're paying the bills out of her estate). There's no point in me looking if I can't afford anything.

My job prospects are drying up. I've gotten a few calls about sales jobs that are straight commission. For obvious reasons, I'm not interested.

I do talk to a psychiatrist once a month. Not sure how much it's helping. I mentioned this living situation to him. He suggested I look into public housing. The waiting list is several years. I only have several months.

My biggest fear is being homeless, which it looks like is almost inevitable at this point. I've mentioned this to a friend or two and they said they don't think it would happen, but if you can't afford rent or mortgage, isn't that the inevitable consequence?

 

Contact tracer

 

My sister just got that as a side gig.

I think it's a good idea.

Stay in the light.

 

My brother thinks I'm not really trying to find a job, just making some cursory effort just to say I tried, but not really trying.

That makes no sense to me. Given what's at stake, my very survival, why wouldn't I really try my best?

 

I hear there's a future in bank robbery.

Go in wearing a mask, who's going to think anything of it?

 

Potatoes-

Twenty years ago in a post-9/11 world, when I was young and handsome and Donald Trump was still assaulting the help, I considered learning Arabic.

Was told there would be a slew of jobs in the government sector for translators. I still wish I'd done it, it sounds like it would have been an adventure.

Watch the way our job economy begins to re-order itself after this is over - and zero in on those jobs.

It is always a good time to reinvent yourself, or to show somebody you can learn a new skill.

 

I have 3 nephews and 2 nieces. If I were gone, I'm sure they'd miss me, but my life is basically a cautionary tale for them. I'm not exactly the kind of person anyone would want their kid to grow up to be like.

 

Well that attitude ain't going to get it done.

If I get turfed, I am going to become an orderly. They're wanted on all fronts right now.

There is training involved. The pay is decent (not great), but it would get you back into the game until we all figure out what the fuck is going to happen.

 

Turfed?.