Nope. Nuh uh. No way in the world.

How the fuck do you practice such a thing?

 

Our young Peaches says the following that "....he will be the first to attempt a successful dive."---We all know what happens if our boy here is unsuccessful.
Our fearless diver suddenly looks down at the crowd for the first time, and immediately shits down his shorts.
Our broadcast team asks if they can hear him down poolside.....instead of saying "WHOSE FUCKING IDEA WAS THIS?".....he says nervously "Yes I can."
Buford asks him "Well.......whaddya think buddy?".......instead of the anticipated response of "How deep is that fucking water again?", we get the "This thing keeps getting higher and higher every year."
Buford responds with "Are ya gonna do it, or are you gonna walk down?"......I was absolutely anticipating "You get your fat ass up here and do it.".......we get a nervous "Oh no.....I'm gonna do it."
Our Peaches says with glee and sheer delight......"Oh look at this view..........you can see Sea World, and the entire Mission Bay Area........look off to the left there, you can see Coronado Island, and if you turn your head just right, you can see Tijuana and almost hear Wolfman Jack on the radio!"
They then show a very nervous/excited wife/widow Barbara Mayer Winters who is shielding her young daughter Pebbles away from the carnage that is sure to take place if something goes awry, and young Holly keeps telling Mama that she wants some cotton candy.
Let's go down to Rodney in the pool who exclaims that Rick has chosen his favorite dive.....a 3-position back somersault. Rick says that this is not necessarily his favorite dive, but the safest dive that doesn't turn him into a gravy-like substance upon impact.
After receiving sub-par scores of 7, 6, 7,7 and 6.5--our hero walks up to all of them and whacks them in the head with Pebbles' piss-soaked diaper.

 

I don't understand recognizing world records for not dying while doing something incredibly stupid.

I'm here with a disappointed Dum Bass after his failed attempt at a world record falling off a platform into a pool of water. Dum Bass, what went wrong today?

Well I felt good going up the ladder and on the platform. I thought everything was going right as I took my step off the side. I was going down for 15 or 20 feet just fine, then I don't know maybe my knee twitched, but next thing I know I'm going up. Straight up. Had several good training runs. Wasn't an issue, but like I said, I think I just had my knee twitch.

Frustrating I'm sure. Will you be trying again?

My team and I are going to go through the video and really break down what happened. There's a lot that goes into free-falling for more than 100 feet. Everything has to be technically right to keep falling. Obviously, 172 feet is much more difficult. It takes longer to land, so one wrong move and you're not falling down anymore. We'll return to the office tomorrow and look at the film. Hopefully we can fix it and be back in front of you soon.

 

I got drunk with a buddy in college and the next morning, after I puked, we went skydiving. Of course he just HAD to stop at Wendy's on the way. For $25 they gave us a jump suit, boots and helmet, and about two hours of land training. This was static-line parachuting, not like thse pussies with a jumpmaster on their back. Anyway, I was last into the plane so first out. We get to 2,400 feet and the pilot opens the cabin door. We're in a cloud. He says go out, so out I go, onto an index finger-sized step bolted to the plane. I grab the wing strut which is thoroughly decorated with scratches from the fingernails of previous desperate jumpers. Let me tell you, once you're out of the cabin there's no getting back in. The pilot guides us into the wind, and yells "GO!" I let go and plunge not too far before the static line opens my military surplus circular canopy. There's an explosive charge attached to the reserve chute in case of non-deployment. Even though we were instructed to count to five and pull the reserve ourselves, I was temporarily no longer a sentient being and would have plunged to my, uh, destiny. As it was I descended nicely, though with the wind, so I got dragged a few yards upon landing. Another guy in our plane landed on the runway, and I ran over and got him out of the way of the returning plane. My buddy wasn't as lucky, he came straight down as prescribed, but tore ligaments in both knees when his legs buckled.

The End.

 

You lost me after you puked after getting drunk and called someone else a pussy.

 

I bungee jumped off the Colorado River Bridge in Costa Rica about a decade ago. It's 265 feet down into the river valley. Almost chickened out once I got hooked in, but went through with it. The most terrifying and exhilarating thing I've ever done. The adrenaline was like nothing else I've experienced.

Older and wiser, I doubt I'd have the nerve to do it again. But I'm glad I did. Also, there's no way in hell my wife would let me.

I have a great DVD of it, which I was told by my siblings that I can never show to my mother.

This is the actual place. Action starts about the 1 minute mark. None of these people are me, I grabbed it off the interwebs.

 

Never could handle my grain alcohol.

 

When I did mine, I went backwards.
There is still a great picture somewhere of me flying backwards, and you can't see any cords or anything like that..........all you see is me in the air soaring towards a massive parking lot.

 

Do we, in fact, know he's not?

 

There are a lot of things we did in our teens, twenties, and maybe even our thirties that we would not do now.

• I crawled through a cave so narrow there was no room to stand to see 5k year old mud glyphs. That was the 90s. Now? Not a chance.
• A classmate had an experiment about Western cognition of what was edible. I ate things with way too many legs and a couple with none at all. Circa late 80s. Nope. Not enough money existent to do that now. (And yes, I am aware of the USDA guidelines.)
• I worked at Opryland and know way too much about how rides are maintenanced (or not.) As hilarious and demented as some of the Grizzly River Rampage crews were, I know better. Also, the really twisted freaks always wore the Big G Buddy suits. Apologies to anyone here who might have been a Big G Buddy.
  
• Got on a horse I knew nothing about and did not ask when it had last been ridden. It turned out to be extremely green-broke had been penned up for two weeks. He threw me in a field where I was told to stay still until they remembered where the old, eroding septic tank was. Mid to late 70s. I'm not even sure I want to get on another horse.

 

These Death Diving contests they have in Norway or Sweden or wherever....... I kinda get a kick out of watching these........
They're only a few meters up, so if something goes awry, we're not talking any permanent damage or whatever.........still a hard NO from Ye Olde Chef.

 

Nope. Uh-uh. No way in hell. None of it.