Worst Movie You Ever Paid to See

The Men Who Stare At Goats

 

Yikes. Have that in my queue. Is it that bad or just not worth the price of admission?

 

* Two Moon Junction (not a date movie, as it turned out)
* My then-wife and I walked out of Slumdog Millionaire. I’m told it was a great movie, but neither of us could handle the first few minutes of it.

 

Oscar -- It was that bad. It made no sense to me and was just terrible. This is definitely no Michael Clayton, which is highly underrated, for George Clooney.

 

The Matthew Broderick Godzilla.

 

"I waited the whole movie for him to talk, but he never did. 'Seabiscuit' gets one star."

 

Not in a theater, but an on-demand selection at home -- Rubber.
I could write a 5,000-word diatribe why I hate this movie with the passion of a thousand suns, and maybe I have on here before. It's the 2010 indie movie about a killer tire. The movie's trailer makes it seem like a quirky, fun, stupid semi-horror movie about a sentient tire with telekinetic powers terrorizing a small town. If that was what we got, I might have enjoyed it. Instead, we got 82 minutes of the worst piece of shit ever committed to film. The first 5 minutes is a fun little monologue. The next 20 are of -- I shit you not -- a tire rolling across the desert. Not blowing stuff up. Not the backstory of how it became sentient or got its superpowers. Just a tire. Rolling across the desert. For 20. Fucking. Minutes.
And it just gets worse from there.
What really pushed it over the top, though, was that the douchey French director pops up on screen every so often to break the fourth wall and, essentially, chastise you for paying $8 to see his shitty movie and expecting you to be entertained. Quentin Dupieux. If I ever see him, it will be well worth the international incident to kick him in the balls. Why? For no reason.
This movie came out right around the same time as Human Centipede, which I also watched. I'd rather be the fifth segment of the human centipede in a live-action remake of that actually decent movie than have to watch Rubber again.

 

I forgot one earlier, and actually, it was worse than the Thomas Jane version of The Punisher.

Welcome to Marwen was utterly and completely boring.

 

You have brought this up before. I remember the first time I heard of it was that it was the worst movie viewing experience possible. It wasn't one of those movies that are awful in a way that makes you laugh. My understanding, even before you brought it up previously, that it had no redeeming value whatsoever.

Then again, what do I know? I had to watch Frederico Fellini's 8 1/2 for a film class in college and I spent most of the time wanting to punch the professor for putting us through it.

 

Mel Brooks' History of the World Part 1.

I saw it with some buddies at a theater in the mall when those were still a thing, and we were warning people waiting in line not to go see it. Awful awful awful.

 

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Awakenings
Les Miserables

 

Sorry for the repetition. Some people make it their life's work to spread the Gospel. Some people make it their life's work to help the sick or poor. My purpose in life is to spread the word about what pretentious pieces of shit this movie and its director are.