Why does Bruce Willis suck now?

I was like 11 when that movie came out. So yeah, it’s been a minute. I turn 40 this year.

 

Though an awful movie, I imagine people would watch the shit out of a movie like that today. They just don't get made. We get Marvel Comics movie No. 934.

 

Welcome back asshole.

 

So I was channel surfing trying to find TruTV today and my eye caught the Willis remake of Death Wish. Scrolled back to see what station it was on, as it was in the double digits and most of my movie channels are in the triples. It was on SyFy. Unless the remake has an alien abduction scene nobody told us about, having his movie air in the late afternoon on the network that brought us "Five-Headed Shark Attack" is probably a deeper nadir than any of the direct to Redbox shit he's made the last 10 years.

 

Maybe it was part of a Bruce Willis birthday celebration?



He does have a new, terrible sci-fi movie out: 'Cosmic Sin' Review: Frank Grillo And Bruce Willis Star In What May Be A (Failed) Test Run of Deep Fake Technology

Some great one-liners from various sources:

• Bruce Willis sleepwalks through absurd celestial thriller
• Makes Battlefield Earth look like Citizen Kane
• Apt title for sci-fi debacle
• Proves Bruce Willis isn't even trying now

Here's some YouTube guys ripping him:

 

Hahahaha that review was great.

 

And here's why Bruce Willis (and others) are so good at sucking now:

The King of the Geezer Teasers

 

That was pretty cool. I quickly thought this guy was following the old Cannon Group formula, and got that pay off halfway through the article.

 

That was a really entertaining article, and the writer did a terrific job with, it appears, almost no access to Emmett, who sounds like a complete loon. Loved this bit:

“The thing around Hollywood that a lot of people say is it’s a surprise Randall hasn’t been killed by Russians or something, knowing the kind of money he deals with,” the producer who has worked with Emmett says.

It's still jarring to see Oscar winners like DeNiro & John Malkovich starring in direct to video schlock. Sly's always been a whore, Travolta & Cage have been making bad career decisions for decades, no one can stand to work with Willis for more than a day at a time and Seagal was always a joke. But DeNiro & Malkovich? Why sully their resumes at this point? (I guess DeNiro still needs the money, but still)

 

Robert De Niro unable to turn down acting roles because of his ‘estranged wife's expensive lifestyle’ (yahoo.com)

 

DeNiro gets a pass for any shit movies he's been in. He's that good when he's good. Malkovich is in just a slightly smaller boat, but he gets a pass, too.

 

There's a good breakdown of it in the book "The Big Picture" by Ben Fritz, but - There isn't really a "middle ground" kind of movie anymore. It's all blockbusters or super low budget. So unless they want to do TV - which is where a lot of prestige stuff is going - or they're in Oscar bait, they're not getting green lit. And for the guys like Cage or DeNiro who just want a certain dollar figure or to work, they'd probably rather grab the cash offered by an otherwise low budget production than to take a fraction for a minor role in a Netflix thing.