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That’s because DoD wants to play dog, and possum wants to play...

 

Yell BANG!

Then, when it falls over, kill it with a shovel.

 

I found a dead possum in my backyard a few years ago. I called the city to get advice on the best way to dispose of it. The animal control guy thought he was real funny. First thing he said after I told him of my dilemma: "Are you sure it isn't playing possum?"

Har-dee-har-har....

 

Back in my mid-to-late twenties, I lived in Houston. My two best friends and running buddies were guys I worked with, Texas Tim and Mongo. (Yes, those were their everyday nicknames, and Mongo looked every bit a Mongo. He was an ex-Marine Supply Sergeant, built like a barrel.) Tim had a little boy, Tommy, coming up on two years old. I was over at Tim's house before we headed out to go pier fishing, and the baby toddles over to me, looks up and says "I'm a dick". I gape at him, then bust out laughing. He gets a big grin and says it again and I laugh harder. He does it a couple of more times to diminishing returns and then tries it on Mongo, who grins and says "That's right, Tommy, good boy, you're a dick".

Tim says "Shit, Mongo, why'd you teach him that? You're gonna get me killed.", which makes both Mongo and I laugh even harder. The baby's having a great time, his new trick is a big success. Along about now, Tim's wife Lori walks into the room. Lori was a Large Italian Woman with a temper to match. Tommy cruises over, looks up at her, gives her a big ol' gummy grin and says "I'm A Dick!"

"Mongo!!!! I'm gonna kill you!!!!!"

 

Ah, the “tape recorder” phase of children.

Very, very dangerous to their fathers.

 

Donner, party of six, right this way.

 

My wife is a descendant of members of the Donner party. For some reason, she doesn't like when we joke about being eaten. "Son, watch your fingers, mom is hungry."

 

That wasn't the first thought that flashed through my mind when I read that sign.