Buried my first wife (ex-wife) yesterday.

Your realization of this was how/why you were able to do what you did at her funeral.

And, you loved her, of course. I'm also so glad she must have had some realizations, herself, at the end, and left you a special message. It may have been all she could do at that point, but I've no doubt it's something that you'll keep, and treasure. I hope that doing it was, in some small way, redemptive for her.

 

I don’t have much to add beyond what everyone else has so nicely stated. I’m sorry for your loss - for what you once had with her - and for your kids.

 

I don't think you are moving on "too well" at all. I'm not sure there is such a thing. You clearly still care about her, but dealing with grief can be incredibly challenging and complex when the person you lost did so much damage. There is no right way to feel and there is no right way to deal with it. Best of luck to you and your children in dealing with such a difficult time.

 

Gosh, I hope this doesn't scan as glib. If you or your children find yourselves getting emotionally bogged down please consider talking to someone who specializes in bereavement. Speaking from experience, a good counselor can make a difference.

 

Not glib at all. I've done a bit of a 180 on therapy/counseling... from "figure it out yourself" to "get your ass in there".

 

I'm so sorry for your loss.

As trite as this sounds, I'm a better person for having read your initial post.

Others already said it, but you've shown much grace. I wouldn't have had the self control to not lob bombs during the eulogy. You did, and that counts for a lot.

Take care of yourself, ex.

 

Something worthy of honor brought you together all those years ago. You honored that, and your children, with your eulogy. Your children will always have that to help steady them on the rough road ahead. Peace to you and yours.

 

This is heartbreaking in 100 different ways. I'm so sorry.

Booze is one of the great demons. Grips people hard and leads them into death - a few I've loved, for sure, though not someone as close to you as she was. Prayers to you and your kids, most of all.

 

Just know that your story - and your eloquence and fairness in describing it over the years - will make me a better husband. It has made be a better person. You've displayed an uncommon amount of grace and empathy through all of this.

The depression of the journalism industry keeps me away from here most days - the compassion of stories like these brings me back. We're better off for knowing.

Much appreciation.

 

I am so sorry, EMH. I echo the sentiments of all. It's not truly "closure," but it closes the book on that part of your life, with postscripts to be added. I second, third or fourth the therapy. And grief/loss is not a gradual process. You can be completely fine and have it all under control, only to hit the memory button seemingly out of nowhere.

If someone says, "Oh, you should be over that by now," kick them in the private areas. It's a unique personal experience and you're the only one who gets to decide where you are in that process. Same with your children. Sounds like you're doing a wonderful job keeping life normal.

Living is a series of connected learning experiences: some great, some horrible but mostly uneventful. Sometimes the lesson is clear in retrospect. Sometimes the lesson is to never make the same mistake twice.

Best of luck, and same to your kids and family.

 

There is a special wing of the sj.com Hall of Fame for exmediahack and maumann's personal stories.