Kat O’Brien: I was raped by an MLB player

It's almost as if the poster demanding names wants to turn around the narrative, from the problem outlined in the essay, to "Podunk Hometowners star accused of rape," which completely ignores the big picture, as outlined by gingerbread.

 

Here's the key dynamic/assumption that I think blinds people:

Who says the accuser wants the public to immediately tear down the accused? How about everyone just reserve judgment until after the accused gets their due process of law?

See, once an accusation is made, the defenders immediately jump to the defense because they think the allegation is so powerful. Well, that's on those who want to "rush to judgment." There's nothing that says we have to treat the accused as already having been judged.

If we are to progress as a society and treat women better, we need to stop attacking accusers immediately in order to defend against the accusation (granted, this should go both ways too, don't just immediately tear down the accused and adjudge them guilty). Let's take it for what it is, an accusation, and let the appointed trier of fact make the judgment. Until that time, treat both sides with the respect they deserve in a civilized society who have decided to leave factual disputes to the judge/jury.

 

A few years ago, we had a high school girls track coach who was arrested for having an improper relationship with one of his athletes. There is no doubt that he did what he was accused of and he eventually pled guilty. The one thing I will never forget is the meet after his arrest his athletes showed up with "We support Coach ________" written on parts of their uniforms. Granted, this was before the Me Too movement. But if this young woman wasn't believed by her friends and teammates because "Coach would never do something like that", I don't have much faith in the general public believing and supporting these victims. It's so sad.

 

A 30-ish male coach at a local girls volleyball club was caught with one of the underage girls on his team. The reaction among the other girls on the team was: She was stupid, she was only a week from being 18, she should have waited.

 

Hopefully O'Brien has been and is consulting with legal counsel as to the best way to indirectly out the perp and effectively hang him from a telephone pole.
Of course she can't explicitly do it herself; she has no direct evidence and so again it boils down to a she said he said. But from the sounds of things rape boy didn't exactly keep mum but instead honked his horn over his conquest. So eventually he can probably be pinned down and outed.

 

That was a tremendous essay by O'Brien, and certainly it was not meaningless. Clearly, the rape itself, as well as her reporting on it all these years later, was searingly impactful for her, and, just as clearly, her essay has left its mark on us, too, as O'Brien probably intended, and, no doubt, hoped.

It is so strong that I do think she would have been believed, and hopefully, supported, and the player would have been investigated and punished had these details come out soon after the sexual assault occurred. That small window of time is so key to any potential real impact and whether or not justice is to be done, because the possibility of actual physical evidence gets lost by women waiting 18 years to report such things. Now, of course it's only going to be a case of she said/he said.

But, reported sooner -- to the police, and not just the woman's mother, friends, editor, team or league -- she'd be believed, perhaps more so, even, than if she waited to tell.

Her case is lent weight, especially, by all the "other" parts of herself and her life:

"There are hundreds of things more interesting about me, such as my passion for Spain, that I’ve run six marathons and qualified for Boston since having a stroke, that I’ve worked for several of the most recognized and respected companies in the world and that I volunteer with the International Rescue Committee. I’ve traveled to more than 30 countries on my own, moved abroad, learned to scuba dive in St. Lucia, kite surf in Spain and Brazil and have been one of the only women in many spaces. I haven’t lost my optimism."

That paragraph puts a face on and makes a person out of someone who otherwise would only be referred to in this situation/story as "the victim". (I especially want to hear more about O'Brien qualifying for the Boston marathon after suffering a stroke, and her travels and work for the International Rescue Committee ).

Really, a similar sort of "face" and person-hood should be given to the attacker, too, and a name would do that, so I think I actually understand ThomasONE's point.

This is all talking without having ever been raped, thankfully, and without the vast amount of MLB reporting experience that O'Brien has, either, though, so maybe it is, well...meaningless.

 

A guy who won't put his name to posts here is annoyed because Kat O'Brien won't put a name to the guy she's accusing of rape. Got it.

 

Here is what would have happened, without any smidgen of doubt, if Kat had reported it to the police in 2002, or if the rape had become public in any way:

1) She'd be besieged by people (including her bosses & co-workers) asking why she went to the rapist's hotel room*? What was she wearing that day, and every other day since she was a young teen? People would comb through her social media (such as it was back then) and yearbooks for pictures of her, to mock or prove their sexist point. What age did she lose her virginity? Was she a prude? Why did she want to become a sports journalist anyway? To meet jocks? Is she doing this to become famous? What do her former boyfriends have to say about her sex life?

2) Wait, THAT guy raped her? He's famous! He's handsome! He doesn't need to rape to get girls! He's rich! She's a gold digger who wants his money. His PR machine would attack her like piranhas on a goldfish, and the MLB monster would do what was needed to protect its own. Lots of male sports journalists would write their skeptical stories (fed by his machine), and some female sports journalists would fear coming to her defense because it's just ... easier ... to ... stay ... quiet.

3) Editors who listen to the gossip and rumor mills would hesitate to hire her. Despite her strong clips, her stellar reputation with colleagues, her fluent command of Spanish when bilingual reporters were rare ... all of that would be dwarfed by this massive tsunami of unfounded attacks on her credibility, her reputation, her entire worth.

*I've never interviewed an athlete in a hotel room or even a bar, but that's because I had a wise editor when I was 21 who counseled me about optics. Raise your hand, my good men, if you've ever had an editor give the same guidance, or if you ever thought twice about whether the location of an interview might put you in harm's way.

**With luck, the rapist is aware that Kat has told her story, and for the rest of his days he lives in fear that he'll be publicly named. It's highly unlikely he only raped once.

 

The Kobe case was from the same era, and in a lot of ways it played out the way gingerbread described.

 

adding ...
2a) Mouth breathers with millions of listeners would cackle that she must be having sex with other players, and the rapist's PR team and his own actual team and the league would actually investigate that ridiculous claim. When it's proven false, other mouth breathers would start rumors that she must be gay.

*** YOU don't need to have been raped or assaulted to understand all of this. All you need to do is ask the women in your life who have been raped or assaulted. And by god, listen, listen, listen; don't tell victims what YOU would've done, how you would've fought off the rapist, or reported him straight away.

 

It feels like the “Mouth breathers with millions of listeners” bit is an area where things have gotten worse, not better, the last two decades. Being a transgressive asshole is now seen as a viable skill set.