Jury Duty

If you ever want to see the extremes of human desperation, get called for Grand Jury duty and watch the other people try to talk their way out of serving.

I've served on a jury before and found it tedious as hell -- the open-shut DUI case took two full days -- but the Grand Jury sounded kind of fun. I would get paid regardless and the hours and commute would be an improvement over work at that stage.

But it's a 3-4 month commitment and most people are not down with that. At all.

Every person in the room claims they will not be paid if they are chosen. They are all the sole caretaker of a relative. Everyone's got a vacation booked next week. One woman claimed she couldn't serve because she bores easily and just wouldn't pay attention. (She ended up named the foreman.)

One Asian man in probably his late 50s raises his hand over and over with reasons why he can't serve. Each time the judge says "Thank you, sir. Please remain in your seat." The guy gets more and more agitated and desperate until, without even raising his hand, he shouts "I HATE CAUCASIANS!!" The judge asks him to explain. "Well... I was supposed to get a job but I didn't get the job... They gave the job to a Caucasian... I HATE CAUCASIANS!!" That finally got him kicked loose, I think just because the judge didn't want to deal with him any longer.

So I get selected as an alternate. That means I have to return for orientation the next day.

There is a shuttle bus from the parking garage to the court. On orientation morning the shuttle driver picks us up and says "Welcome to the longest day of your life!" There is a ripple of laughter from the jurors. "I know you think I'm exaggerating. Talk to me when I pick you up, see if I'm kidding you."

In their infinite wisdom, the legislature of our state has decided that anyone who serves on a Grand Jury needs to know all of the laws and statutes of the state. To accomplish that, they put all of the jurors in a basement room for eight hours to listen to a computerized voice read the entire book of statutes for the state. It's a computerized voice because defense attorneys insisted a human voice might color our view of those laws. There are people in the room to make sure you don't fall asleep.

After about ten minutes of instruction -- the robot droning "statute one five eight seven B pursuant to..." -- there is a ripple of laughter as people realize this is hell and they've got another seven hours and 50 minutes to go.

As we left everyone assured the driver he was not wrong.

I was the third alternate, which means you don't have to be there but you'll get a call once jurors have to drop out. Everyone I spoke to assured me that I'd be called in in a few weeks, one month tops. They get a lot of dropouts.

Never heard from them again.

 

It really is a crappy system we have, but I don't think there is a better one.
Think about it: you essentially detain a group of people, most of them don't want to be there and are probably pissed off that they are there, lawyers select the least informed among a group, even the intelligent ones won't half pay attention, and then they get to make a life-altering decision as quick as they can so they can go on about their lives.

 

That said, I would trust any 12 people you pull at random off the crosstown bus before most of the judges I've ever seen.

 

I was called about three years ago in a case where a man was accused of threatening social workers that came to check on his kids. During questioning, I told the attorneys that I was a former journalist and that one of my best friends in the PIO for the county disrict attorney, which is true. I was selcted anyway and ended up as foreman. Another juror was a guy I know pretty well from our community so at least I had a lunch buddy.
After four days of jury selection and trial, we found the guy guilty on a couple of the charges, but not all. I never did find out what his sentence was.

 

This is the quick stereotype. I really think we have to give those who serve more credit for their attempt to try to do the right thing, which is follow the judge's instruction's on their duty and what they are doing.

The jurors I have talked to (after the trial) (and what others including my friends and acquaintances who are judges tell me say) jurors may not want to be there initially, but once they are empaneled, they take their duty seriously and very much try to do the right thing.

 

I served on one jury once, a $20,000 brakes didn't work on the ice personal injury. I think we awarded something like 4 grand. Now I've reached the magic age of 70, I no longer have to serve either on local or federal juries where I live.

 

Where I lived in California had a one-day, one-trial rule. You showed up on the appointed day and if you weren't chosen you were done for another year. The downside of that rule is that you get called almost every year. I got on a panel only once. It was amusing when some guy claimed he couldn't serve because he was self-employed. Judge asked what he did. "Surgeon," guy said sheepishly. Judge: "Sit down. You can serve." I got tossed, probably because of what my kids call my resting pissed-off face.
I haven't been called since I've been in Florida, but I'm looking forward to some bizarre shit when I am.

 

I got picked for a jury the first time I ever was called in DC, for a kidnapping case that involved no kids, only three adult lowlives and drugs and guns. There were literally zero sympathetic characters involved, including the lawyers for both sides. Two weeks of my life I'll never get back.

My most recent experience was federal, for a case that came out of the Mueller Report. Spent all day sitting around waiting to be interviewed by the lawyers but was sent home at the nick of time (I was next in line to go up). Turns out the judge had improperly barred reporters from jury selection, the defense objected and they had to throw everything out and start over with another jury panel. I wasn't on it.

 

I'm 37 - Haven't ever been called, in Rhode Island (where there aren't a ton of jury trials) or Texas (only been here two years). I figure I'm "due" for it, as a result. My younger sister (33) has gotten *three* summons already, although she hasn't ever had to serve.

 

Sometimes God has a weird sense of humor. My prostate cancer surgery was set for Sept. 28, but after 40-something years of never being called to jury duty, I got a summons on Sept. 24 to report on Oct. 4, and had to scramble to get something to them by the day before my hospital visit to prove to the judge why I couldn't serve.

I had to get a doctor's note faxed to the county clerk to say, yes, I was definitely going to be unable to perform the expected functions of the position (or any functions, for that matter). So now I've been scheduled for the April session. Looking forward to that like when the nerve block wore off.

 

Isn’t it highly likely they’ll strike you during voir dire anyway on account of your rough and rowdy outlaw ways?