Youth Sports (i.e. the thing we all loved which parents have now ruined)

Before we began the season, I gave him the choice of rec or competitive, with the expectation that he would play more in rec, but learn more and be focused on winning more at the expense of playing time in competitive, and he didn’t hesitate. And I set the expectation that he might not play much at all in games. Honestly, he has played more than I expected in games. However, not getting in the game at all was tougher to swallow than only a minute or two. He literally told me if he had gotten to play for at least a minute, he would have been happy. That’s tough to hear. I am trying to use it as a motivator, though.

 

He doesn’t have an assistant, although I offered at the beginning of the season to do assist or do whatever he needs. I have occasionally helped run drills and I have scored a couple of games. I stay through all of the practices while most others drop off their kids (no judgement on them, but it helps me see what my kid needs to work on and what drills the coach is using so I can apply them at home. I know my kid is behind, so it helps me work with him). No other parents have helped out, but I get the impression he doesn’t really want the help.

 

So this happened in baseball with us last year. We only had one assistant. We'd get in these tight games and our coach would lose track of something important, like who was catching. It definitely isn't a win at all costs group, but the kids want to win if they are putting in all this effort right? In that overall regard he did a great job of playing kids in a bunch of different positions and really giving them the chance if they wanted it. We have five catchers, two that you would be good catching any time in any situation, one that is dependable enough, and two that aren't really good, but hey, they are 9, give them the shot, right? They might be good next year or later or whatever, you don't want to kill their desire.

It happened with situational stuff more than once, but I remember one game in particular where we were up significantly and he was playing the two not as good kids. That lead just dwindled and dwindled and dwindled all because of catching. He never changed out the catcher because like a lot of kids teams, the best kids play well at other spots. So he decided to go with a strong infield and eventually we lost by a run. It wasn't that he was giving the kids a chance to succeed or fail in that situation, he was so intent on his infield needing to be strong that all the runs were given up by the catcher. He just lost track of the situation and admitted it. If he had another coach or two to focus on other aspects maybe they make a change. Not to mention, it's also not good on a kid's morale to lose a game all alone.

We have like five coaches this year. Someone got through to him with some of that. I think it will be better for the kids too to get different perspectives.

I guarantee you your coach has spaced some of the playing time focusing on everything else. Some how bring that up too. Maybe not being a coach, but that stuff like that gets lost in the shuffle.

 

That’s fair, and I think it was the case yesterday when he didn’t realize we were up by 20. The scoreboard was a tabletop deal on the same side of the court as the benches and I’m sure he didn’t see it.

Today was a case where I think he had no intention of putting my kid in the game unless we were up 20 because he wanted to win the championship.

I was pretty clear in my desire to be an assistant coach and three of the other dads have all coached our kids in other sports and been willing to help out whenever asked. The fact that he doesn’t have two or three assistants says a lot about how he wants to coach, I think.

 

I’ll say this, too: my experience as a sportswriter does a lot to temper my fury as a father, after having seen so many terrible sports parents. I do my best to watch my kid through a sorta journalistic lens so that I don’t overestimate his ability or get too crazy with coaches. I also try to allow myself to enjoy the shit out of his successes and hurt with the losses, but it’s a bit of a weird feeling sometimes. Old habits do die hard.

 

I am this way. I hated the way parents acted when I covered preps. Said I'd never be that way. I have definitely had my moments of not liking how things went, mostly off field stuff like you are kind of dealing with, but I have kept it to a minimum during games. Plus the kids pick up on it too. I have enjoyed some of my assistant coaching stints, though, because it has given me some opportunity to be more involved and emotionally involved that is allowable. It isn't a bad time to just sit back and watch. Again, not the Super Bowl or anything!

I will add, I feel your son's coach has a few red flags -- no assistant, not wanting to play someone if not up by so much, etc. -- so make sure your kid keeps his head on right and has fun as much as you can.

 

Thanks. I appreciate the support, really. It’s hard to know sometimes whether you’re overreacting because it’s your kid. A couple other sets of parents mentioned to me something about his playing time. One dad, unprompted, said he was “seething for me” because he had been through a similar situation with his older son.

It helps to know I’m not just looking at this through All-Star colored lenses.

 

I should mention that my kid, who is not always the most level-headed person on the planet, took it hard, but he took it really well. He smiled for team pictures. He came home and dribbled around the house. I think he is going to take it as a challenge. But, damn, it definitely hurt to see him be the only one not to get in the game.

 

The emotion is probably a good thing. He'll be better for it as long as it is ultimately positive.

Having other parents back you up is a good thing. Even more so on a competitive level. It was early in sports, but one time playing flag football the coach played the same kids, both sides of the ball. There was a dad that took dozens of pictures of every game. After the second game, he went up to the coach with the photos and said look, the same kids are on the bench in every one. The kid of the dad taking photos was not one of the kids on the bench. He didn't have to do it, but it was awesome he did. Playing time evened out a whole lot the rest of the season after that.

 

Hey at least they won the big game - that's what really matters here.

Think of all the lives that coached changed by leading them to a mid-January tournament title. Those boys will never, ever forget it, and that's not even considering the scholarship opportunities they've all been exposed to!

 

IMHO step back and really think about this from a 9yr old's eyes; is it really worth it to sit on a bench the whole game and "win"? Look back on your own experiences, do you cherish that win where you didn't even get off the bench? I'll say watching any game back then where I did not play did zip for me. (Admittedly, I was fortunate enough to always be playing on every team.) You learn by playing, not watching and cheering.

I've said this before, the best youth coaching I ever saw was in LL when this guy who I thought from the outside was a total a-hole and only cared about winning was my kid's mgr and I was the asst coach. Coach demanded of everyone, 1-12, that they do the absolute best to their ability, whatever their ability, and he coached them up every day, all day, demanding that they do what they were supposed to do, however limited it was. #12 was not going to pitch or play SS, but dammit, he was responsible for backing up 1st every pitch from RF and he hustled and did it to the best of his ability. That was eye-opening because I realized how easy it was to default to coaching up the stars and giving less to the others.

 

This. So much this.