Secret Rules

Spent a weekend on the Oregon coast at a bachelor party weekend. A couple of good rules of thumb. Stay upwind of someone puking on a fishing trip. (Caught three rockfish, more fish than I've ever caught in my life til now). And figure out where the main "party hub" will be wherever you are staying and find a spot to sleep as far away from it as possible, and you'll sleep fine. I slept on a couch on the top floor, a friend had a queen size bed right next to the jacuzzi and game room - guess who slept better?

 

— never get less than twelve hours sleep.

— never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city.

— never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.

 

Never wind up on the roof of a hotel.

 

Don't sit behind the drunk AF dude from a bachelor party when getting a ride home. When he starts to puke out the window while riding on the freeway, it's not going to end well for you.

 

Pace yourself; never goes well to get out of the gate too fast.

Never, ever tell anyone of the opposite sex/your partner what happened (buddy actually did that on my bachelor party, IDIOT!!)

DO NOT allow yourself to be in photos when the ....ahem...... entertainment arrives.

 

Your female friends don't want to hear about the time you stuck your dick in crazy, especially if it turns out to be one of their relatives.

 

Lord loves a working man.

Don’t trust Whitey.

See a doctor and get rid of it.

 

I could tell you my secret rules…

but then I’d have to kill you.

 

I suspect this applies to a state, too.

 

Paging @freqposter

 

I don’t know why but this thread reminded me of the lyrics of Father John Misty’s “Mr. Tillman.”

Mr. Tillman, good to see you again
There's a few outstanding charges just before we check you in
Let's see here, you left your passport in the mini fridge
And the message with the desk says here 'the picture isn't his'
And oh, just a reminder about our policy
Don't leave your mattress in the rain if you sleep on the balcony
Okay, did you and your guests have a pleasant stay?
What a beautiful tattoo that young man had on his face
And oh, will you need a driver out to Philly?
Jason Isbell's here as well
And he seemed a little worried about you

 

This is actually the song that got me into Father John Misty. Isbell talked about it in an interview -- he was standing in front of a New York hotel and saw Tillman. Jason turned to whoever he was with to say he'd be right back, then went over to say hi... but at this point Tillman was hiding in the bushes.