Youth Sports (i.e. the thing we all loved which parents have now ruined)

Starting to get the fever back up for football - back to local Parks and Rec this year. 11, 12, and 13 year olds, 135-pound max weight. I've got a flood of former parents hitting me up trying to make sure they're on my squad, which makes me feel like, "alright - musta done something right!"

I'm still a Single Wing guy but two big changes I'm going to make this fall:

1. We're going to install the local SW High School's version, complete with their terminology. I've been doing stats and clinging to their coaching staff the last couple years trying to polish it up.

2. My kid doesn't want to play Center this year. So I'm going to daddy-ball it up and try to play my kid at Quarterback. He's got a high-level arm for his age group (as evidenced by the pitching season he's currently having) and we don't need him to throw that much. He's just got to get us in and out of the huddle and learn the SW QB spin move - we'll work on that this summer!

Got to train up a new center - tough in the SW, because we directionally snap to three different players. But I've got a center-type kid who lives in the SW High School's district (and his uncle is on the staff there), so I told them I'd get the kid trained up and in two years they'll have a freshman coming in who can already snap it.

In my experience the Parks and Rec parents suck much, much less than travel parents. And because I intend to head coach this year (been assistanting the last two), I can spend some time setting the standard and expectations with moms and dads (something the guy I coached with didn't do a good job of).

Rule No. 1: If you're not ON our coaching staff (i.e. you come to practices and know what's going on), get the fuck off our sidelines.

 

When I was of that age, in my little hometown there was one team for every age bracket (opponents were rec league teams from nearby towns). From pee wee through midget, it was the same offense and same defense as that of the one high school, and many/most of the coaches were former players at that high school. Once you got to JV/Varsity level, there wasn't a lot of time spent going over the playbook and lingo.

 

I wish that were a thing here, but the seven middle schools all feed bits and pieces to the five high schools in our county. Here in suburbia there are very, very few "one county/one high school!" situations remaining.

The guy who is in charge of our Parks and Rec program is the DC for the SW High School.

I really want to be like, "Hey man - just give me all the kids who are destined to be at your school," but I'm sure other coaches/high schools would complain.

 

One fly in the ointment with my old alma mater was the genius of a head coach who, year in and year out, would decide to install the wishbone (from the I) the week before the first round of the playoffs. Oddly enough, none of the opposition was ever surprised, and only occasionally did the old alma mater make it to round two.

 

I once heard Danny Ford - talking about one of his players - say, "That boy ain't no scientific rocket."

He was probably talking about football coaches too.

 

We were on the same teleconference. I use that line all the time with my students when I'm pointing out how mathematically easy something is ... "It don't take no scientific rocket to do this."

 

Ah ha! I think I was actually in person for that one at the Broyles Center. ... but I could be mis-remembering because that was 77,458 years ago and we're all old AF.

 

The joys of youth sport volunteering. Club president and I on a call with a dad who didn't like his kid's placement on the B team for next season.
"You fucking assholes. Do you like fucking over kids? Do you get paid to fuck over kids?"

 

"Dear sir: No scholarships shall be awarded from league play this year."

 

If you got a word in, I hope it was something like, "Do you have any compelling reasons why, one, your son should be placed higher and, two, you shouldn't be banned from attending all games and practices?"

 

Click. Refund check issued.

Confirmation emails traded between the team officials on the call to establish the precise wording of asshole dad's threat (in preparation for likely legal action).

 

Agreed. If he’s willing to accuse you of molesting kids with this slight a provocation, what’s he going to make up the first time he doesn’t get to watch a practice? There are billions of kiddie sports leagues out there. Let him start over with one he hasn’t offended yet and see if he can color inside the lines with them.