Your best In-Laws story

When my wife-to-be asked why I hadn't introduced her to my mother, I said, "Why give her a head start in not liking you?" She didn't like anyone - except one of my best friends.

 

My mom is an overbearing, obnoxious New Yorker who always wanted a daughter but never had one. Now she has four daughters-in-law to drive crazy.

She and my first ex went clothes shopping once, figuring it would be a nice way to bond. My ex came home mortified after about two hours. She said she went to try stuff on, and my mom apparently walked into the fitting room to “help” while my ex was wearing a thong and nothing else.

 

Go on.

 

Worst Penthouse letter ever.

 

Come on Xander fill in the blanks….

 

My now-wife and her mother, who passed away suddenly during peak covid in 2020, would religiously watch Say Yes to the Dress on the weekends and said when it was time to go dress shopping that they were going to go take the train up from Harrisburg, to Kleinfelds and make a big trip out of it. When her mom passed my mom offered to step in and I, knowing my mom has an opinion on everything, had to give the locker room speech. "This was supposed to be HER trip with HER mother so don't say anything stupid." My wife, my mom and my 10-year-old stepdaughter went up. The good news is my mother didn't have a snide remark about any of the dresses my wife tried on. The bad news is she did have a remark about the dress of every damned other person.

 

I've been blessed to have the best in-laws possible so no horrific stories. My mother-in-law was the only member of my wife's family who could make the trip from Cape Town to NYC for our small wedding. I had never met her until she came to America that first time, where she stayed with us for six weeks. In our studio apartment. And it was great, because she's fucking amazing (her second trip to the States occurred 16 years later. In mid-March 2020. Which meant we then spent eight weeks together though this time we at least had a one-bedroom. But again, while highly stressful given the situation, she was amazing). She was only 15 when she had my wife and two more kids followed in her teens and then my wife's dad was killed in a motorcycle accident when she was a month from turning 9. My mother-in-law, a widow with 3 kids at the age of 24, married my future father-in-law, a divorced man in his 50s. He became the best father-in-law a guy could have, an amazing person and kind soul who passed away last year at the age of 88. It was an absolute honor to be asked to give his eulogy.

All that said, I do have two tales.

--The first time I met my father-in-law was the day after Christmas in 2006; it was my wife's first trip back to South Africa since she came to America in 1999 so all kinds of family greeted us at the airport. Her mom, stepdad, brothers, brothers' girlfriends, grandma, cousins, etc. It was hectic and we had just completed a trek that took us from NYC to Atlanta to Johannesburg to Cape Town. We were exhausted and not thinking totally straight. Ninety minutes later we're at my in-laws' house and we realize we left a suitcase back in the airport. My father-in-law pipes in that he overheard two workers at the airport talking about a suitcase that was left behind. I climb into the car with him and he takes me back to the airport where I'm convinced there's no chance in hell our suitcase will still be in one piece. He was a man who loved Cape Town and gave me an entire history of the city as we drove there, making me feel like I'd known him my whole life, even though we'd met only hours earlier. The suitcase was safe and sound in security and we made it back home where my father-in-law got yelled at when he told of the route he took us on, which, unbeknownst to me, included some parts of the city that you shouldn't be driving through at 1 in the morning.

--When my mother-in-law visited us that first time, we lived on the Upper West Side a few blocks from Central Park. I had only moved to the city a month earlier myself and was jobless so spent hours and hours just walking the city. One day I told her I was going for a walk in Central Park. That night on the news they ran a story about a woman who was assaulted in Central Park. About a week later I take another park in Central Park and a day later the news has a story about another woman assaulted in Central Park. A few weeks after her arrival in America, we moved to the top of Manhattan. I go out for a walk. That day a woman was murdered in the park by our apartment. I of course saw the stories about all these horrific crimes, felt bad, but also then went about with my life.

But for my mother-in-law.... all those stories, combined with my walks meant just one thing: I was a murderer and serial killer. Which, when she finally broke through her terror, is what she told my wife a few days before our wedding. She laid out the evidence to my wife. Told her she absolutely KNEW the truth about me. I assaulted those women. I killed that poor woman. And I had probably killed more. The fact that I was so nice and she liked me so much was simply evidence she used against me since of course I'd hide my true nature. My wife listened...and laughed uncontrollably and eventually convinced her mom that, no, her husband-to-be was not the next Son of Sam.

 

Oh. My. God.

What a story.

 

I didn’t see a denial in there …

That’s an outstanding story!

 

As I'm sure most here can relate, I love my wife unconditionally but there are a few things that are a bit irksome (and ditto for her).

Well first time MIL and FIL visited to our new house, I'll never forget that night I came home from work and saw what had happened that day, some of the things that I would rather Ms. QT not do, well now it was a deluge of 3 times the magnitude of every day life!! It wasn't just one person doing it, now there were 3! I had no defense. but to weather the storm (for that week.) Every time they visited, I had to schedule as many dinners/golf outings out with clients as possible.

 

Yeah, I'm unavailable for a lot of the time when my MIL visits. It works out well for everyone involved.

 

My in-laws are great, always insisting that I am so much better than any of my wife's exes. Which makes me wonder what dregs of society my wife dated before me.

My brother-in-law and his wife are real pieces of shit, though. We were taking a walk near their townhome in Chicago on Thanksgiving morning on the first holiday we all spent together when we were first dating. We passed a hot dog stand and my brother-in-law, not realizing I was right there, leaned over to my mother-in-law and said, "Maybe we can convince BWIP to have his Thanksgiving dinner here, so we don't have to spend time with him."

My mother-in-law didn't hear him and said, "What?" and he leaned in to repeat it, then saw that I was right there, so he said, "Never mind." I said, "No, no, no, I already heard it, don't let me stop you from repeating it."

Fucking cockbag.