L.A. sucks, but there is a happy ending ...

The Lady In White is lucky she wasn’t a good Shakespeare in the Park actress.

 

I'm still trying to understand what she was up to. When the cops FaceTimed us from the room, our suitcase was still mostly packed. The one bag of truly valuable things was still buried in the suitcase. My suit was still tucked nicely in the hanging bag.

Next time honey leave the suitcase; take the jewelry.

 

I'm incredibly upset that I know this and am posting it here, but Dane Cook's term of art was "sangwich."

 

Even worse is fire-cleansing that garbage from copy.

 

30 minutes of police time is pretty expensive.

Especially if the crime under consideration might be the petty theft of a suitcase full of ten-year-old t-shirts and boxer shorts. Which is exactly what pops into the desk sergeant's head the first time you call something like this in.

That you were smart enough to escalate to a higher authority - and explain the value of the contents - was about the only chance you were going to have of recovery, Apple trackers and shelter IDs notwithstanding.

 

Now to tackle the next problem: How do I get her to understand, "Hey babe - let's put the jewelry in your carry on," without us breaking up ....

 

Sandwiches ... sammiches ... sammies ... sangwich ... Dan Patrick ...

"But you're not going to take Joe Frazier over here just because you don't want to go with Muhammad Ali."

 

How much jewelry we talking? I can understand dressing up a bit for a wedding but I still wouldn’t be bringing an entire collection on a cross-country voyage.

Then again I’ve been out of my marriage for a decade and might average a date every other year, so perhaps fade my advice.

 

A pile of inexpensive stuff that no one cared about.

Two rings and a set of earrings - which feel like, "break out for a wedding" items - she had inherited from grandma.

 

Bump that up to priceless heirlooms and top quality diamonds for the screenplay.

 

When I got the councilman's office on the phone, that's how I sold it - "not replaceable at any price."

 

Maybe this is The Breakup II with Vaughn and Aniston.

The film ends with the couple of the titular break-up meeting up on the street months after their break-up and exchanging pleasantries. It's left ambiguous if they will just go their separate ways or make another try at their relationship.​

So perhaps they tried one more time in L.A. and hilarity, with a homeless thief at a fancy dancy hotel, ensues.