Copy editor, New Jersey

My special daddy is pleased to announce that the qualifications for this life-changing career opportunity have been elevated so that Journal Register Company can find the most wonderfully wonderful candidate to join our family unit. Thanks to some very, very helpful information that my lovely, lovely daddy has discovered, JRC is now seeking to hire only magnificently, physically fit human beings. My special daddy doesn't intend to hurt the feelings of any of God's creatures, but he can no longer afford to employ "fat Americans."



Daddy is a hard-working, self-made man of high respect and wealth, and he has put a portion of that wealth to good and valuable use. Donating funds from his own, personal resources, my special daddy has purchased a beautifully detailed study, conducted by a trusted Canadian firm, that places the blame for JRC's dropping stock prices and evaporating circulation on one thing: fat Americans. My family's dear Canadian friends have proven that Americans have become so fat and lazy that they no longer possess the energy to drive to the store to purchase newspapers, once a morning staple. American obesity is the reason for any financial disappointments that my lovely, lovely daddy's company suffers. Thanks to this study, we all now have proof that Daddy is not to blame!

 

Tell "Daddy" to take a leasurely Canadian boat ride, right over les Chutes du Niagara. His new existence as fish food would help stocks and circ numbers rise.

Besides, "fat" shouldn't matter because won't JRC henchmen whip the new ASE's butt into shape? Fat or skinny, he'll either become another JRC henchman, like the SE that he'll be reporting to, or he'll be mentally tortured before being fired.

 

Any word on whether the job has been filled/who's applied?

 

Fuck. I'm 5'10", 265. Anybody want to hire a "fat American?"

 

I've read on here the number of sports editors the Trentonian has had in the last 17 years, but does anyone know exactly how many assistant sports editors there have been in that same time frame?

(Check out my new JRC blog at http://jrcbites.blogspot.com/)

 

Whew!!!
In went for a week of R&R in Maui and when I came back, I couldn't find the Trentonian thread. I fretted over what I would do for laughs and entertainment.
Now, I found this thread. All is good, again.

 

Let PHINJ add up the totals. That's his role. Here's the fate, though, of the last three assistant sports editors: The most recent assistant sports editor went more than 18 months without a sports editor. His reward was a memo threatening termination. The assistant sports editor before him was fired. And the assistant sports editor before that was also fired.

 

This isn't a sports job, but I thought you'd all find the line about great opportunities amusing ...


The Herald Press, the combined Sunday paper of The Herald of New Britain, The Bristol Press and The Middletown Press in Connecticut, is seeking a Sunday editor. Strong news judgement, an enterprising curiousity, copy editing and page design experience are a must. Succeed in this position, and great career opportunities await you within a leading publicly traded newspaper company. Send a cover letter, resume, references and examples of your work to Matt DeRienzo, c/o The Herald Press, 1 Herald Square, New Britain, Conn. 06050, or e-mail mderienzo@journalregister.com.

 

I almost choked on the beer I'm drinking when I read this - especially the part about "great career opportunities await you." Who's DeRienzo kidding? He's the master salesman of JRC - sugarcoat the job, then abuse the poor sucker who takes it, and kick him to the curb in a year or two. What a wonderful company to work for!

 

That job turns over three times a year. May be the worst job in the country. Any job that involves a shared Sunday product is a lousy job -- the end result is a really lousy paper that all parties involved hate writing or working for -- and the JRC makes it even more fun. I knew a guy who had that Sunday job for six weeks, surprised he lasted that long.

 

So all these awful people y'all speak of, how did they come into power in the first place?

 

JRC wants this future assistant sports editor to feel right "at home." A kinder, gentler JRC?

On my new blog, I have posted portions of a recent memo passed out by Matt DeRienzo. If you're interested, you can read part of the memo here:
http://jrcbites.blogspot.com/