Baseball Column II - Please read and comment

hey folks...

I posted this some time ago and got little respone. I'd love to hear some feedback - good, bad or other - because I really want to get better.

Thanks, and if this seems like shameless begging....well, it is.

Hey all...

The state baseball tournament was played in our backyard, and though we had no local teams qualify, I wrote a column from each day, picking any topic that interested me. Here's one, and I'd love to hear some feedback.

SARASOTA

It's about a kid with an average hovering near .100, down to his last strike, poking a knuckling grounder toward third, sparking a season-saving surge and getting bombarded by his teammates.

It's about a heart of a lineup, quiet for most of the evening, stringing together three extra-base hits.

It's about a group of players who were born without a quit gene, banding together one more time.

The final score in Port St. Lucie's win over Lithia Newsome in Wednesday's Class 5A state baseball semifinal at Ed Smith Stadium wasn't deceiving. In this case, 7-2 was an outright lie.

The Jaguars had four outs left in the season, down 2-0 with the bases loaded. There were two outs in the bottom of the sixth when they put their faith in pinch hitter Max Scarogni, a left-handed-swinging senior. He hadn't had an at-bat in Port St. Lucie's five previous postseason games and was hitting .111.

Such is the Port St. Lucie way. Five of the Jaguars' wins this season have come when they were tied or trailing in the seventh inning. Four of their five postseason wins were decided by one run, including a nine-inning victory over West Boca Raton that earned Port St. Lucie its first trip to the state final four.

So it came as no surprise when Scarogni - seriously, could a kid with a name as cool as that not be the big hero? - fisted a pitch toward Newsome third baseman Kyle Copack. Scarogni beat the throw, which skipped past the first baseman and allowed both runs to score.

"He's a good left-handed hitter," Port St. Lucie coach Tony Malizia said. "(But) we've been on this run, (and) we've stayed with the same nine, it seems. You hate to move things around."

But Malizia noticed Newsome pitcher Matt Greer, so good over the first five innings, was struggling against lefties. He didn't like the way his No. 9 hitter, Tony Degirolamo, looked during his last at-bat.

So he did move things around. And his Jags poured things on, scoring five more runs on another Newsome fielding error, followed by a triple sandwiched between two doubles, burying a scrappy Newsome team that, after losing its district final, won three regional games on the road to get to Sarasota for the first time in its short history.

"You look in their eyes, and they look like, 'OK, we'll go right now,' " Malizia said. "It's not good on me, but they seem to have all the confidence in the world.

"It's the same way every game. I think I've lost 10 or 15 pounds during this run."

What Malizia hasn't lost is a shred of faith, and neither have his players, including Scarogni, who hadn't taken a meaningful swing since the regular season.

"I had confidence in myself," Scarogni said. "I had confidence in Tony, as well, but Coach chose me because (Greer) was struggling with lefties."

Then again, who could lose faith in a team that's staged more comebacks than Cher? The Jaguars are off to tonight's 7 p.m. championship game, appearing in a state final for the first time in program history.

Plan on going. And whatever you do, don't leave early.

 

Ok, I'll bite...

 

To me, the first three sentences play like you're trying to make what happened dramatic. In a story like this, I try to let the drama of the event tell itself.

Set the scene by letting the event do the talking. I've lost readers three sentences in before by trying to be overdramatic.

I agree with Martin on the ending. Lets the column end itself.

Not to parrott Martin again, but does this school have its own all-name team?

One other thing: The coach says he's a good hitter, but his average is near .100?

 

I didn't have that big of a problem with the first three sentences, other than the use of the word "It" to lead all three. Mainly, you never tell me what "it" is. I assume it's your column, but I (as the reader) really have no clue.

I might have done this:

Port St. Lucie's first-ever trip to the state championship game is not about school glory.

It's about a kid with an average hovering near .100, down to his last strike, poking a knuckling grounder toward third, sparking a season-saving surge and getting bombarded by his teammates.

It's about a heart of a lineup, quiet for most of the evening, stringing together three extra-base hits.

It's about a group of players who were born without a quit gene, banding together one more time.

That one intro sentence tells me what "it" is and accomplishes what you were going for.

 

Lem: I think it's an ambitious attempt at being stylish, and I (almost) always applaud a writer who tries to get outside the box and draw the reader into a story with compelling prose or story construct. Just because it's a high school story doesn't mean it can't be interesting, imaginative and convey some of he thrill of the event. There's some good word choices and ideas in here.

I agree with the suggested tinkering with the lede to make it a bit less theatric. It ain't bad, but it could've been better. I wanted more on the kid: How did he handle not playing? What was his immediate reaction when his coach sent him to the on-deck circle? How hard was his heart pounding? What was the postgame celebration like -- did they mob the kid or what? Maybe, if he wasn't a very good quote, you grab the proud parents?

It would have been fortunate had a copyeditor saved you from the comment on the kid's name. It's not a terrible error and I've done similar things innumerable times, but it's a reach that stands out as a reach.

 

Lem:

Presuming you were there, this would have been a perfect opportunity to use your eyes for reporting.

When Scargoni stepped in, how did he look? Nervous? Was he standing tall? Shuffling in the batter's box? What were his teammates doing in the dugout? Rally caps? Holding hands? Holding their heads in their hands? When he ran to first base, how was everybody acting? When he made it, what was the reaction -- mob scene, pitcher and/or third baseman all pissed off? Showing, not telling, could have made this a more compelling lede.

Same with info on the coach. It's interesting that he noticed the other pitcher struggled against lefties -- how so? Was he walking guys? Were they hitting hard shots off of him? And even if the kid was struggling against lefties, what made him think a kid hitting .111, who hadn't seen the view outside the dugout in five games, was going to make an impact?

And as for Newsome, did you talk to any of the coaches or players? Did they know how lousy a hitter this kid was? Did the players seem rattled after he made it to first? Did the coach visit the pitcher on the mound?

That one play is the hook for your whole column. You've got other good stuff in there, but showing the emotion is better than telling it.