Too harsh for preps?

Would it be too harsh to add "like Loser McTubby from Team B" to the end of that line?

 

One time I was tempted to write a column about a game I was watching that included the line If I wanted to watch fat, awkward losers stumble around and not score, I'd step in front of a mirror. Didn't end up writing a column, but I was tempted.

 

never make the reader work

 

And don't ever try to get too cutesy with your writing. It may appeal to your humor but it might not appeal to the majority of the readers.

 

Are gamers really meant to inspire? I think people read gamers to find out what happened. When is the last time you read a gamer that was inspirational and you remember years later? That's where features and columns come in.

 

It's shit.

Try something else.

 

Not too harsh. uninspired, unimaginative and poorly constructed? yeah.

 

Like a lot of people said, though, I didn't think it was too harsh. You're not really calling the other team out, saying they played like pansies or anything, just that the defense stepped up near the goal line. Not too harsh.

 

I used this one a couple weeks ago:

Prior to the start of Friday’s homecoming game with (really struggling, only 23 kids on the roster VISITING TEAM), (traditional league power HOME TEAM)’s national anthem singer verbally stumbled and misplaced a couple of lines.
It was about the only thing that didn’t go the home team’s way.
(HOME TEAM football hero No. 1) ran for three touchdowns and more than 100 yards, and (HOME TEAM football hero No. 2) tossed a pair of TD passes — all in the first half — as the (HOME TEAM) trounced (really struggling, only 23 kids on the roster VISITING TEAM), 48-7, to improve to 3-2 overall and 2-0 in the (area league for small schools).

You should have seen the letter to editor we got.

 

I don't think that example was too harsh; it's just cliche. Although, I never would have allowed the word trounced to run in any sports story. It's hackneyed.

 

Thank God you don't work for me.