Pregnant or fat? No guesses here

From the Gainesville Sun notes package on UF football:

Freshman defensive lineman Duke Lemmens was asked Monday whether he was able to tell freshman twins Mike and Maurkice Pouncey apart.

Lemmens' answer drew plenty of laughter.

"I just call them 'Pouncey','' Lemmens said. "That way you're never wrong. It's like trying to guess if a girl is pregnant. You just don't want to do it."

;D

 

This thread will die alone.

 

I did it once...I asked someone when they were due and they weren't pregnant. In my defense, she had had a baby a few months earlier, but I was still incredibly embarassed. I will never do it again, and haven't. I don't care if they're lying in a hospital in the maternity ward...I will never do it again.

 

Dave Barry once wrote that the only time you should assume a woman is having a baby is when you can see the baby physically exiting the woman's body.

 

You wouldn't believe how many subway seats I've given away "just in case."

 

That's a damn good quote.

 

Oh, even worse: I complimented a woman on having lost weight, only to find out she was pregnant. Five minutes later, when the last of the F-bombs had landed, I decided I would not do that anymore.

 

Years ago when I was pregnant with one of the Rosebuds, I was a bridesmaid in a girlfriend's wedding. Wearing a not-so-flattering bridesmaid dress is even worse when you look nine months along the day after conception and get larger from there.

At the reception, a six-year-old boy, the groom's nephew, kept asking me to dance. I'd dance one, sit out a dance, then he'd be right back dragging me out on the floor.

Finally, after about ten dances or so, he put his hands on his hips, looked up at me and asked, in a rather loud voice, "Are you just fat or you gonna have a baby?"

Struggling to keep from dissolving into a laughing fit, I managed to tell him that yes, I was going to have a baby.

"You're not having it here, are you?"

"I sure hope not. The baby isn't going to show up for a couple months yet."

He looked at me in disbelief.

"You sure?"

 

That was your first mistake. Never compliment a woman's weight. In fact, never mention weight to a woman at all, unless you're her coke dealer.

Many women, even if they're devastatingly beautiful, will take any comment about their weight as an insult, or as an extreme shot to their self-esteem.

The woman can be 5-foot-7, 115 pounds, but if you say, "Wow, you look good. Have you lost weight?"

Expect to be greeted with either the Look of Death, sadness, followed by tears, or "Why the fuck do I need to lose weight?"

Just. Don't. Do. It.

 

Once heard a guy ask a stripper if she were pregnant. Was not a pretty sight. Her or her reaction.