Kissing Suzy Kolber deconstructs Peter King

Some of it's pretty juvenile but some of it's pretty damn funny.

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2009/02/an-important-chemistry-lesson-from-peter-king.html

Ray Lewis said this week that his free-agent future is none of our business,that it’s between him and God.
Never fear. I have Ray’s conversation with God on tape.

God: And for Today I shall see fit that all of My children shall never want for food, nor shelter, nor warmth.

Ray: Hey motherfucker! (dances like chicken)

God: What do you want?

Ray: I need your guidance! Who’s gonna pay me the most? All Glory to You, fella! (dances like Pittsburgh queer)

God: Leave me alone.

Ray: I’mma give you credit no matter what! You make it happen!

God: (kills self with own lightning bolt)

 

Today's Blazing Saddles lesson topic:

Differentiate between a Pittsburgh queer and a Kansas City faggot. Discuss.

 

A Pittsburgh queer has five rings on his right hand AND one in his nose.

A Kansas City faggot only has one in his nose.

Neither one gives a rat tail about Major League Baseball, but the KC faggot is still paying off an umpire from 1985.

 

I just busted out laughing after the Ray Lewis chicken dance line and this one:

I implore you to heed this warning: The sun can seriously injure you. Respect it.

That goes especially for you, Kid Icarus!

 

How did Boom miss this?

 

Boom didn't miss it. It was pointed out back in November.

http://www.sportsjournalists.com/forum/threads/64175/

 

they've been on fire all season ripping PK. Of course, crap like this makes it pretty easy:

Mind if I vent?

Oh, by all means. If it’s about the blue Maxima, I assure you I’ve heard it before.

Reason to Leave New Jersey Dept.: Friday, 4:10 p.m. Leave for the 16-minute drive to Garden State Plaza in Paramus, for the 4:40 showing of “Frost/Nixon” at big movie megaplex. Friday, 4:27 p.m.: Arrive at parking structure. Look for spot. Friday, 4:34 p.m.: No spots inside or outside a parking facility bigger than Rhode Island. Lines of two and three cars following pokey shoppers to their cars. Drivers swear at drivers. Friday, 4:38 p.m.: Much cursing of car volume in the Garden State. Finally find a shopper with no line behind her. Follow her to the spot. There’s a latecomer zooming in from the opposite direction. I wait. Woman backs out. I park. Latecomer drives away, yelling, “Thanks, —munch.” Friday, 4:48 p.m. Frazzled. Thank God for previews. We miss nothing.

What an epic tale. It’s like a David Lean film squeezed into a single paragraph. It’s got everything: uneventfulness, parking, a protagonist too fucking clueless to know a mall might be crowded on a day most everyone has off, and the word “assmunch.” Then there’s the suspense. Will our hero ever get to see “Frost/Nixon” IN ITS ENTIRETY? Don’t spoil it for me! This could be the greatest story since Peter King’s “I-95: A Driver’s Journey”.

 

Really, is Peter King even relevant anymore? It seems to me like he's been crushed under the rest of the internet's NFL coverage. His MMQB is still a solid read, but it seems more and more self-indulgent these days.

 

Loved that one.

 

Nice of them to put a fat picture of King up.