Dear dimwit on the phone

Please don't tell me on Tuesday that you'd prefer us not to print the score because it would be embarrassing to your players and then have a parents call me on Wednesday and gripe that we never cover the team.

 

mpcincal, are you me?

 

Ha. I guess I'm not the only one then. Actually, this is something I dealt with about 15 years ago, when I was still a part-timer and in college. I don't know how different it is these days with the Internet and chat boards.

 

I got a call like this once, guy going on and on about everything Podunk A&M was doing wrong and how we need to write an article on it. It just so happened that, a few minutes earlier, the guy who did a weekly sportstalk show on the local station called me with his guest list ... and one just happened to be the coach of Podunk A&M! So instead of waste another 5 minutes of life I wasn't gonna get back, I cut him off and suggested he listen to the radio tomorrow night, cuz coach was gonna be on. He thought it was a great idea and hung up. The next night, I proceeded not to do the story, but did listen when coach was on ... and nobody called!

 

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!

(And may we never hire another pimple-popping phone yanker who, when taking a baseball/softball box, thinks that "errors" is actually "airs" - as in, how many times the ball was hit in the air. Yeah ... for real.)

 

"Hi, this is Jack Jackson, the head varsity coach of the boys basketball team at Dimwit High School"

Hi, Jack! Steve Stevenson, 86 days sober, pleasure to meet you...

 

My dude called back today, wanting to talk recruiting on signing day. I humored him because he's polite and friendly while finally jotting down his phone number so I can let it go to voicemail when he calls in the future.

 

Actually had a dude call from a bar a while ago asking how many people died in Hurricane Katrina.

 

For the past three years I have put up with the Godmother of a player on our local D-1 women's basketball team. She is nice enough, but ask the same damn questions every time she calls.

Five minutes after the game is over the phone will ring and everyone in the building knows who it is. The following is an example of how a conversation will go.

Me: Sports.
GM: This is Sally (name changed to protect the guilty). How many points did my god daughter have tonight?
Me: I'm not sure, I haven't seen a final box score yet.
GM: When will you get one?
Me: Either when the SID sends one over or if our reporter sends it in. Whichever comes first, I can't really say.
GM: Oh, okay. Did she have a good game?
Me: I don't know, I've been in the office all night and didn't make it out to the game.
GM: Oh, okay.
Long pause.
GM: Has the box score some in yet?
Me: No.
GM: Okay, I'll call back.
Me. Okay, bye.

And she never calls back, you would think after three years she would learn to wait a little later in the evening to call.

 

RING RING.

ME: Daily Grunt Sports, Starman.

CALLER: Calling to report a score.

(pause)

ME: Awesome. What was the score?

CALLER: 63-61.

ME: Who won?

CALLER: We did.

ME: Superb. Did somebody hit a shot at the end to win it?

CALLER: Yes.

ME: Far out. Who hit the shot?

CALLER: Let me check.

ME: Brilliant. Could you hold?


click

 

RING RING

Me: Sports, this is Baron.

Caller: Hi, did anyone call in the score yet from the East Bumfuck/West Bumblefuck game?

Me: No, they haven't. Are you calling in the game?

Caller: No, I'm just a fan of East Bumfuck. Why hasn't the game been called in yet?

Me: I don't know. It probably has just ended. The coaches have another hour and a half to call.

Caller: Well, why do the coaches have to call you? Why can't you call the coaches?

Me: Because sir, we have about 60 events tonight. We have to prioritize what events to get in the paper. If coaches call, their events get in. If not, then we have to decide if we have enough time and if the game is important enough to call the coach.

Caller: So you're saying that our game is not important enough? Come on. I mean, you know these kids work hard. If anything, you should send a reporter there. Why don't you?

Me: Because sir, we have these 60 events, and we have three people to not only have to take them, but they also have to design and lay out the paper. If we sent one of them out, the section would not get out.

Caller: OK, well, when the coaches call, can you call me with the score? I really want to know.

Me: Sorry, if we did that for you, we'd have to do that for several hundred other people We have a paper to put out. We do post the scores on our web site pretty quickly.

Caller: But I don't want to go on my computer, I just want a score.

Me: Sorry sir, then I'll guess you'll have to wait for the paper to come out tomorrow.

Click.